Hey Geico, I Could Write A Commercial For You

Dear Geico Insurance
     I would like to offer my services to you as a commercial writer.  If you have read any of my posts on this blog--you probably haven't but you are not alone in that--you would have noticed that I am a very witty guy. I could bring that wit and strange sense of humor to your advertising campaigns.
     The gecko campaign is truly a stroke of genius. Who would have thought that a small green amphibian whose name is a close homophone to your corporate name would fit the bill as your company spokesman--oops, that's spokesperson as we don't want to offend anyone. You really took the ball and ran with it on this one. I do have a question though.  Where is the gecko from with his slight cockney accent?  I would guess Belize or possibly what was formerly known as British Guyana.  Hold on, I'll check Google on that...
     Wikepedia--we all know the foremost authority on everything which is always accurate--states that Geckos are a lizard that can be found in any warm climate. It also states that a species can be found in New Zealand.  This has caused a change in my thinking, based upon the accent of the Geico Gecko. There is an outside chance he is from New Zealand, although I don't detect a "down under" sound in his accent. You tell me.  Where is the famous Gecko from?  I promise I won't tell.
     For now, I have one last question for you.  Where does he hide his wallet?

This is a close as I could come to a picture of a Gecko. The colors are close and birds are related to lizards. 

 

Revenge Of The Machines

     So, I got my computer fixed.  It just doesn't end there though.  My computer is working fine and
doing exactly what I want it to do, but I think it kind of resented the fact that I got it fixed and can no longer cause me a great amount of frustration.  Machines talk to one another, and I think that they hold grudges, especially when we humans want to wrest control back from their dominance.  Such is the case with my car.
     Do you know how many computer components are on a car.  Yes, my car was manufactured--not made by the way because when you make something there is the possibility that you also install a personality or some form of intelligence--in 2004.  I realize that is old and the electronics on it are not as advanced as a car that is built--again built, not made--in 2015. But, like a grandson sitting at the knee of their grandfather they still talk to one another. They share stories and especially share conspiracies, especially on  how to drive humans crazy.
     Someone who is as techno-challenged as I am has no chance. We frustrate easily and machines know this.  Yes, I did have my computer fixed but it talked to my car. As a form of revenge it ordered my car to go on the fritz. You got to love the communication and networking.
     I put a lot of loving kindness in my car.  I give it baths and watch it's fluid levels.  Occasionally I even feed it high octane fuel.  Do you blame me for reacting the way I am. My frustration level is very high at this point. The options I have open to me are very narrow. I have to take it to a car doctor and have a machine tell the doctor what is wrong with it.
     The services that the doctor is going to perform on my car are pretty expensive and I am still at the mercy of another machine that diagnoses what is wrong. Once again and I can't say this strongly enough, it is a wicked conspiracy.  Think about it for a minute, how do I know that the diagnostic machine is telling the truth or just pulling my chain? What other machine is going to cause me a great amount of frustration after I get my car fixed?  All of this kind of makes you think, doesn't it?
     Maybe not.

Not my car anymore. I really miss that car.

Breakfast of Champions

     I don't like to eat breakfast.  The most important meal of the day and I are not on good speaking terms. It should be the easiest thing in the world to do, just go into the kitchen and pour a bowl of Froot Loops and enjoy, but I just don't feel like it each morning. Shame on me I guess.
     Americans like a hearty breakfast.  Eggs, bacon, ham or sausage and some hash browns provide the necessary nourishment to hold you off to the next meal. Denise likes oatmeal, and I was once on the oatmeal gravy train as well. It seems as though the gravy was taken away, due to it's high fat content and the train, and Amtrak train by the way, derailed going around a curve at 100 plus miles an hour. I just don't take the time to fix it. My qualifications for creating a fine bowl of oatmeal are well documented, but I choose not to utilize those skills. Was that a cunning way to say that I am lazy.  You can take it for what it is on face value. I won't admit to anything.
     Froot Loops are not the best of breakfasts.  I do on occasion breakfast on Maple Frosted Mini Wheats or maybe some raisin bran.  I like raisin bran, especially the raisins and have a technique to eat them.  There has to be at least two raisins in every bite. I love raisins and I thank God for inventing them, but I still don't like to eat breakfast.
     Last night my wife went to Jamba Juice and brought home some smoothies.  I like their strawberry collada smoothie. I didn't drink much of it last night because I was very full from the crap I scrounged up last night for dinner. I put it in the 'fridge and am drinking it now. They are nutritious, right?  After all, they contain strawberries, pineapple, coconut milk, and orange juice. Those are some healthy ingredients and the smoothie contained no meat or animal products. That ought to make you animal lovers out there happy. I won't go there though.
     Got to run now. Denise wants to go to Dublin and look over some music at the music publishers store. I'm enjoying my smoothie.

Yup.  It's what's for breakfast.

Hallmark Of Life

     I don't know how many of you watch the Hallmark Channel on Cable TV. Do they get the channel in Poland? The jury is still out for me as to whether or not I should be watching it. To me, I just think that watching "chick" programs may be just another waste of my time.
     Those movies are something else.  Let me see, woman gets divorced and moves to a horse ranch with her daughter. Her husband was a real bad guy, by the way. She meets this good looking ranch hand that is very mysterious that she knows nothing about.  The daughter takes a liking to the ranch hand who wants the mom to hook up with him.  Boom, the ranch hand and the mom finally kiss and they are off to the races. Sometimes the daughter is health, and sometimes she has some sort of disease that is or is not incurable. I could write a movie for Hallmark. Come on people, just use the scenario and it can't be that hard. I don't want to waste my time writing a script, or even watching one of these movies.
      Take for example the Hallmark series  "When Calls The Heart". Why would I want to watch such "chick flick" drivel. Why would I watch a show in which a Canadian socialite moves to a coal mining town in rural British Columbia to teach school?  Yep, that makes a lot of sense.  What does she do?  She falls in love with the local handsome Mountie. There are a lot of horses in this one.
     By the way, what do you think of the new guy in town,Leland Coulter? He's going to build a lumber mill that will replace the coal mine. How about his romance with Rose.  With that ever develop. What about Abigail and her cafe? Is it going to be a success?  The town name has been changed to "Hope" and how will that be received. The big question is, will Elizabeth return to "Hope" and renew her relationship with Mountie Jack or will she opt to stay in Hamilton and marry Charles.  What a waste of time.
     OK, what can I say?  I'm hooked.

I've been to Canada before.