Why is it that the good old car key is no longer in fashion? It is a trusty little tool and can be put to use in a number of ways, not just starting the car. I use mine for cutting string. Let's face it, the things come in handy, but the car we rented had a keyless entry/operation system. It had "The Orb". Aliens had come during the night an had taken the keys and left "The Orb". What had I done to offend those good people on the home planet and why did they take the key to the rental car?.
What do I do with this "Orb". It has symbols on it, but what do they mean. Where's my trusty spy decoder ring that I got in that box of Froot Loops back in 1969? I didn't think that I would ever have to use it, but it was worth a try. Let's see, what does this symbol mean--oh yes unlock. This symbol means lock. I think I've got it. The time has come to tackle my fears of technology and try to drive the rental car. I can do this. It was time to go outside and become the master of the rental car, so I did.
There it was, sitting in the driveway, nice and shiny. That was a stupid sentence. Where else would it be, at the city dump? Of course it is sitting in our driveway nice, new and shiny. It's a brand new rental car, which you can't fit in in your garage because the Taurus is in there and all the junk you are storing for everyone else in the world. Yes, you do detect a bit of anger in my voice, but I just don't want to talk about that. Sorry I'm off subject again, back to my car rental story.
After decoding the symbols on "The Orb" I went outside to the car and pressed the button that said "unlock". I heard the click of the door lock engaging and I was cleared by the car gods to enter the car. I opened the door and immediately that new car smell hit me. The interior was beautiful and what can I say, new. It had leather seats and all the options you could think of. The leather seats reminded me of that Chrysler Cordoba commercial that ran in the 1970's where Ricardo Maltaban says "Feel the rich, Corinthinan Leather" when he talked about the interior. What is "Rich Corinthian Leather" anyway. The smell was wonderful, but it was time to get in and I was almost late for my workout.
It was a sensory thrill when I finally sat in the car behind the wheel. I wondered to myself what it was going to be like to drive this puppy. I was ready. I didn't have to put a key in the ignition, there was no ignition. What there was though was a button that said in red "Push To Start". It was time, so I pushed the button. The car came alive, all the dials and gauges lit up. I thought I was in the space shuttle and about to launch. Oh, that's right. The space shuttle no longer exists. Maybe I was in a Soyuz capsule, but I couldn't be because everything was in English, not Russian. Through all of this, the car DID NOT start.
Let's press the pretty red button again. It says on it "Press To Start". I pressed it again and guess what, NOTHING! What am I doing wrong? I pressed the button again and nothing. I had pretty lights on the dash of the gauges and such, but the thing didn't start. Let's try it again. The thing wouldn't start and I was getting a bit upset. At this point I was very late for my workout, so I said the heck with this, locked the car with "The Orb" and went back inside to get the keys to the Taurus. Remember, I said keys.
I opened the garage door, unlocked the door to the Taurus USING THE KEYS and got in. I put the KEY in the IGNITION and she started right up. I backed out of the garage, closed the garage door and off to my workout I went.
What do you mean I have to have my foot on the brake in the rental car before I press the pretty "start" button for it to start?
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| My 350Z had a key. I miss that car. |
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