I Gotta Hurry

     I have got to hurry.  I found my hidden laptop that I brought with me.  The Sillarians don't know a thing about it.  The last time I tried to post without permission I got zapped.  That hurt.
     It wasn't bad actually after getting over the initial shock.  It put me into a sleep-like state in which I was aware of my surroundings and what was going on but was not part of it.  I wondered what was happening, especially when an asian looking gentleman came in that looked a lot like my cardiologist said that I had a 30% blockage in one artery and a 20% blockage in two other arteries.  Were they doing another angiogram or was I just dreaming?  I don't know.  Got to run, I hear footsteps.  Actually, I really don't know if Torvac has feet.  They look like feet, but that could just be a ruse. 

Greetings From Sillar...Yah, Right

     I am going to come clean.  You as my readers deserve it.  There is no planet Sillar and there is no Torvac. I have been sitting in my apartment writing this drivel and all this stuff that I have been posting is nothing but CRAP!  My creative juices just haven't been there so I decided to go in a way that I am not proud of.  I am so sorry that I have been deceiving you and if I have created any problems for you.  In this blog, I want to keep the highest standard of integrity....

     "Dave...Dave...uh, what are you doing?"
     "What?  I am doing nothing.  What are you talking about, Torvac?"
     "I can see that you are writing on your laptop.  Now you know that you are not stable enough to do that today."
     "I'm not doing anything.  I am not writing on the computer, Torvac. You know I wouldn't lie to you."
     " OK, Dave let me have the computer."
     "What computer I don't have my laptop and I am not writing anything!"
     "Dave, come on I don't want to get firm."
     "No!  You can't have it."
     "Dave, you know that I don't want to take action."
     "NO, NO!!! You can't have it, its mine and you can't have it.  I have a right to it and you can't have it. NO! NO! You can't have it!  It's mi.....ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ"
     This is Torvac, and I want to tell you that I didn't want to do that.  Unfortunately, Dave has had a relapse and has been heavily sedated. He hasn't been hurt and is now resting comfortably.  The Sillarian High Council and the Medical Ministry will reevaluate the situation and will report to you on Dave's condition.  We have his best interests in mind, and want to assure you of his progress after his proceedure.  Sometimes these things happen and we are sure that Dave will be back soon.  

Its Not A Conspiracy, Its Education

     I bid you a good day from Sillar.  The Sillarians have assured me that I will have an escort today and explore Sillar today.  The Sillarians are humanoid and communicate to me directly through voice communication, though they prefer telepathy.  Sometimes they forget that we mere earthlings don't communicate that way and look at me in a very curious way.  They are very advanced, but cannot get a pizza right.  I am not criticizing, just letting you know what it is like here on Sillar.  They make a mean hot dog though.
     With the help of advanced communication techniques utilized by the Sillarians, I was able to view some of the Christmas festivities that went on with my family.  It was a joy to see the grandkind open their packages and this was my yougest grandchild's first Christmas.  I was sorry though that I couldn't look in on my daughter, son-in-law, and their two sons of which Rusty is the youngest grandchild.  They live in another part of the United States and the Sillarians were having trouble with the uplink. I miss them very much.
     The Sillarians are very much interested in the mental developement of we humans.  They don't want to directly interfere with our progress and have sort of a "Prime Directive" similar to that which was in Star Trek.  They do what they can, and do it very quietly.
     How many of you remember the movie series Transformers.  This series was produced by Sillarian operatives and has spawned a line of toys that "transform" from robots to cars and back again.  These "toys" come directly from the Sillarians to stimulate human brain developement.  The Sillarians endeavored to get these "toys" into the hands of human children, but it is the male grownups of the families who actually work with these "toys",  many very unsuccessfully even when the Sillarians provide the directions in pictures.  To those fellow humans who are participating in the Sillarian educational project, I salute you.  Good luck! 


        

Important Announcement!

     I have explained to the Sillarians the holiday of Christmas.  They are very accomodating and are allowing me to celebrate it in my own way.  I only wish that I were with all of you.  With that in mind, Torvac and I want to wish all of you the very Merriest of Christmasses.  I may of spelled that wrong, but my spellcheck doesn't work well out here.   

Merry Christmas to All!!!!

Feeling Great!

     I thought that I would give you an update on my health and what is happening with my recuperation.  I am feeling great and have asked the Sillarians when I am going home.  They have informed me that the damage done due to the lunar eclipse was greater than they had thought and they had to use more Formula 409. They had to send Torvac back to Earth to a Wal-mart in Dearbourn, Michigan to get another 100 gallons.  He was tempted to bring back Janitor in a Drum, but the chemical makeup of Janitor in a Drum breaks down in interplanetary flight at light-speed and beyond so he stuck with the 409. 
     The proceedure caused some minor headaches and the Sillarians were a bit concerned about that.  They watched the situation quite closely, giving me massive doses of Dutch Apple Pie and Vanilla Ice Cream. That seemed to do the trick and the headaches went away.  There is a problem with this in that I gained 150 Earth pounds.  The Sillarians said that I would be too heavy for inteplanitary travel, so they have put me on a strict regimin of diet and excercise to loose the weight.  I don't mind the weight lifting, but I do hate cardio. 
     Just a word about the food up here.  It is pretty good, and the Sillarians try to make "Earth" food.  It is just not the same though.  It is very close, but not home.  They haven't got pizza down quite right. 
     I must go now, I am quickly getting tired and the Sillarians don't want me to tax my brain.  That comes later.  They told me that advanced interplanetary quantum physics class comes later.  More on this when it happens.  I don't know what their thinking is on this, I tried to tell them that I flunked junior high algerbra...twice.     

I am Healing Nicely

I want to thank all of you for your conern as to how I am doing here on Planet Sillar.  My prognosis is fantastic and I am heading for a full recovery.  The headaches are subsiding, but the Sillarians wanted me to share with you just how difficult it is taking a human brain out of its cranium and washing it.  They used to have a specific industrial solvent that they used to do this, but found out that Formula 409 worked just as well and did not hurt the fragile Sillarian environment. I see Torvac coming which means it is time for my therapy session, so I must go. Be withyou soon again.

Critical Update on David's Condition

Torvac here with an update on David's condition.  The proceedure went better than expected and he should be returning to Earth shortly.  He is up talkng and eager to share his thoughts and observations with you as far as this journey.  He misses you and can't wait to get back to you.  We will have future updates on his condition as things develope.  David and I wish to express our gratitute for your concern and loyalty during this difficult time.  I can entertain questions, just write your comments and we will surely address them.   

Important Update

     This is Torvac again, and I just wanted to update you on David's condition.  He is feeling fine and just suffering the effects of the recent Lunar Eclipse that just occurred on your planet.  Things like this normally don't effect your species but David was in a particularly vulnerable position, the details of which I cannot elaborate on.  The Sillarian High Council has determined that he shall immediately be transported to Sillar and given treatment.  The treatment will in no way alter his personality, as our preliminary evaluations and observations have concluded.  Given his condition and treatment, he should return to Earth after a short itme of recouperation and healing.  I want to assure all of you loyal readers that he is in good hands and is being treated very well. We will continue to update you on his condition and progress. 

Sorry for the Inconvenience

     I am Torvac from the planet Sillar. I am the innerplanetary robot overseer of the writer of this blog, David.  We have monitored the writings in this blog, and the high council of Sillar has issues with what is happening in David's brain and are dealing with the situation.  This crainial conditon is manifested and expressed in his blog posts.  Yesterday's post was a deciding guidepost as to what actions the High Council will take.  We have decided to evaluate possible treatments so that David can return to a healthier state.  His writings have been suspended until further notice so that the High Council can make an appropriate decision as to solutions and what is best for David.  Please be patient as we all want what is best for David, and we want to assure you that he will return as soon as circumstances permit.  Thank you for your concern and your loyal readership. David will return to this blog soon.



No...No...I don't want to go.  I'm OK.  You don't have to take me there.  Let me work on it, I'll get better.  I promise. Please Torvac, I'm  OK...    

My Deepest Thoughts

    I am going to do something that I very rarely do on my blog.  I am going to share with you my deepest inner thoughts.  Whatever is there and however deep and profound, I am going to share it with you.  Give me a minute so that I can gather my thoughts in order to put them into word.  I truly want you to understand what is going on in my mind and find the words to share those thoughts.  Give me a minute...





     Hold on...I'm thinking.






     I'm still thinking.








     This is hard, I'm going to try to go a little deeper.











It's been a while and still nothing.








     Wow, I am so used up and tired.  That was very difficult.  Here comes what I found in the deepest recesses of my small mind.  Its empty.  My coffee is there in front of me but I haven't finished it.  I know that the coffee thing is getting old.  I promise that in the next blog I won't mention that I haven't had my coffee...or not.
     

What's Brewing?

     I saw on my chart of where peope who are reading my blog are living, and I see I have Brazilians.  I just want to say thank you!  Keep those wonderful little brown beans coming. You give the world oranges too, but we have enough of those here in California. I also see that I have readers in Columbia and want to thank them as well. Can I send some feed to Juan Valdez for his donkey?  If that sounded a bit patronizing, I truly apologize, it is only 5:30 (05:30 in international time.  See, I really do know how to tell international time.) here in California and, you guessed it...I haven't had my coffee. 

Neither Here Nor There

     Yes, I am here.  Someone asked me last night if I was there.  How can I be here and there at the same time?  Isn't that impossible?  Since I am here and not there, how can I be there when I am here?  I have been accused of being not all there, and that is very true because I cannot be there and here at the same time. 
     This brings up another question.  Can I get there from here?  I think the answer to that is a solid no, because if I get there I am no longer there I am here.  I can arrive, but my there is no longer there it is here.
     I am on my way to Starbuck's to meet with a friend.  I will be there soon.  If you call me on the phone and ask me if I am at Starbuck's, I will answer yes.  If you ask me if I am there I will answer no, I am here at Starbuck's.  How can I be there at Starbuck's when I am here at Starbuck's?
     This is leading me to another point.  I haven't had my coffee yet.  Your assignment for today as I am trying to get your participation in all of this is to ponder the logic in all of this.  You can come to only one logical conclusion, and that is:  What the heck is he talking about? I don't think he knows. Quite frankly, I don't know and if you came to that conclusion bravo too you.  Go to the head of the class. Keep your wits about you, because tomorrow comes the "you and I" discussion.   Remember, I haven't had my coffee yet.

Sorry...I Was Gone

     I really don't have to apologize, but I will.  Having not posted the last couple of days, I know that I have totally disappointed you.  You trust me and have come to rely on my comments to cheer you up and make your day.  I know that you live for my observations and when I don't give them to you, your day is not complete.  The realization of just how important I am to you has overcome me with a great sense of responsibility and I feel that I have maybe let you down...maybe not.  Sometimes, I overestimate my importance.  OK, what importance?
     Here is the totally undiluted truth.  I was working.  In my hotel...or my small, cheap motel room...the internet didn't work.  I couldn't post.  Are you going to hold that against me?  What more do you want.  Didn't I post Monday morning before I left?  Actually, I am asking you because I truly don't remember if I did or not.  I didn't post yesterday morning because I went to sleep very late and didn't get up in time and circumstances took me out of my normal routine.  Once my routine is broken, its all over...attention deficit you know. 
     The bottom line is this.  I am who I am and I can only do what I can only do.  I am not superhuman, but will promise you that I will do my best given the demands that you place on me.  I truly understand the high demands you place on me.  If I disppointed you, I am truly sorry. Now, let me take my toungue out of my cheek.  

Its Cold Out There

     How cold is it?  There are frost warnings all over the Central California.  It is very cold.  I think that the mercury has dipped to under 36 degrees fahrenheit.  Those of you in the rest of the world, I would convert that to celsius, but right now I haven't had my cofee and you know what that means.  You are on your own with that one. 
    

Tough Decisions Have To Be Made

     In this world that we live in, we have to make some very tough decisions.  That was the case with me today.  The decisions that I had to make today weigh heavy on how the world will function and I am very much aware that if the decisions I make this morning are incorrect, the world will change.  In many cases, the world will just not be the same.  It is in my hands as to whether or not the world is a better place, or spins out of control toward the dark side...do I have to reference that?  Its from Star Wars and John Lucas probably first came up with the idea of the "Dark Side", so there.  Don't sue me John.
     These are the questions that I am wrestling with, and the world is holding its breath as to the answers.  Here they come, are you ready?  You can breathe, I don't want to be the cause of your untimely death so please take a breath.  Make sure you are sitting down though.  I don't want you to faint, fall over and hit yourself on the head and hurt yourself.  If the suspense is killing you, don't let it.  You will be all right. 
     Are you ready for the questions?  Here goes, by the way...How did you sleep last night.  That wasn't fair, was it?  Now I give you the questions, you have been so patient.  Should I make cofee?  Should I clean up the kitchen because it is dirty.   Finally, should I eat that piece of chocolate cake?    Think of it friends, what would happen if I don't make the right decisions.  The world as we know it would end.
     The cofee is made and I am enjoying it.  The kitchen is clean, except for a few pots and pans and I am going to leave the chocolate cake for later, probably for lunch.  You can breathe easy now, the decisions are made.  I don't know the consequences of those decisions, we will just have to wait as the day progresses.
     Wait a minute, circumstances are demanding I make more important decisions.  World, I beg you please don't end because of what actions I must now take.  Should I take a shower, and what should I wear today. 
It is so very hard being in a position of such leadership and power.

No News Is Good News

     Today I bring you good news.  There is no news, in fact I wasn't going to post today.  I felt that you, my loyal reader would be extremely disappointed in me if I didn't post, so here I am writing.  Since I have no news to share with you, that is good news.
     Think about that for a minute.  I will give you a bit.  In fact, I will give you longer than that.  I am out the door to make my tee time and I am late so take as much time as you need and get back to me.  I realize that it will take longer than others to contemplate what I have just written, but I am in fact OK with that.  Remember, this blog is interactive and is very much sensitive to the needs of you, my reader.
     By now, you have probably figured out today's post.  I will fess up to the fact that I had nothing to write about.  My mind woke up totally blank and not in a state of brilliance.  I know that some of you will say what is so different about that situation, but it's true.  This blog is sort of like when many of us were in college, faced with an essay exam in which your life depended on your getting a good grade.  You did not pay attention in class and have learned absolutely nothing in the class but are faced with the daunting task of passing this particular essay test.  So, you go for it.  You write and write in hopes that the the professor will be totally baffled or that he or she tires of the crap and finds something of brilliance.  Admit it, we have all been there.
     So, with this wonderful observation on life today I have got to get the heck out of here.  I am going to miss my tee time. 

Round and Round She Goes...Where She Stops, I Don't Give A Rip!!!

     I am trying to loose weight, as I have said in past posts.  My goal is to loose another 50 pounds and to get off as many of the twenty blood-pressure medications as I can.  My proceedure for doing this is simple.  First, I am cutting out all...well almost all as this is the Christmas Season...sugar.  Next, I am going to eat three meals and a couple of healthy snacks between those meals to cut cravings for sugar.  Add to this, I am going to make my portions smaller and eat what I want as i don't do well on diets.  Finally, its back to the gym and I am lifting weights again at least three times a week and doing cardio for at least five days a week.  It seems to be working as I have lost six pounds, water weight to be sure, since I started on Monday.  I really feel good though.
     Today was my cardio day, twenty five minutes of biking and five minutes of cooldown on a recumbrant bike.  Everytime I get on the bike I am reminded of the scene from the movie "The Right Stuff", which dealt with the early years of the American space program and the training of the Mercury 7 astronauts, and the scene of the chimpanee Ham riding on the stationary bike.  When I am riding on the bike, that is kind of how I feel.  I feel like a chimpanzee riding a bike and going nowhere fast, at level 1 actually.  The pedals go around, but I get nowhere.  Is there something wrong in this?  Is there something wrong with me...well, that's another story but we won't deal with that here.

     Disclaimer:  I am afraid that I wasn't exactly truthful with you.  I am only on six blood pressure medications.  Sorry if I caused you any inconvenience but I want to maintain the credibility and accuracy of my writing.  Please forgive me if I caused any discomfort.
---The author   

It Has To Be Done! (Part Two)

     Yesterday, I told you that the post was not going to have anything to do with the title.  I had planned to write something and the blog turned out to be something else.  Well, I am going to back up time here and write the post that I was going to write yesterday today.  Dows that make sense?  It shouldn't.  At any rate, here goes. I have had a cup of coffee this morning, by the way.
     You can all shout for joy!  I have decided to go back to the gym and work out.  I have seen that I am beginning to gain weight again, and after loosing 70 pounds and gaining 10 back, I don't want to have to loose the 70 all over again.  I want to loose another 50, and I can do it.  Any comments of encouragement would be greatly appreciated. 
     I want to tell you the truth here.  I worked out and lifted weithts again for the first time yesterday.  Besides getting up and going to the gym, I felt great. This is also something that I want to do and that is put more discipline into my life.  There are certain things that must be done, and I need to do them on a regular basis. 
Sorry, I didn't mean to get serious, but I do have that in me.  I very rarely know where it is, but it is there. 
     I have one more thing to say and that is Hi Drew!  I am not going to explain that, it is what it is.    

It Has To Be Done

     I know that sometimes you as my loyal reader have to wonder what the title of my blogs have to do with the content of the blog itself.  Believe me, sometimes I wonder myself.  Take today's title as an example.  The title has nothing to do with what I am going to talk about. 
     Let me explain to you.  Most of the time I begin writing at about 5:00 AM Pacific Standard Time (05:00 on the 24 hour clock, and if you are impressed  that keep reading.)  I have just awaken from a night's slumber and have not exactly arrived at a point of lucid consciousness.  I know that the task must be done, so I write many times half asleep. Generally, I am taking in my first nourishment-a cup of coffee. I do add milk not cream because I don't need the calories and to the coffee I add artificial sweetner again because of the calories. You can probably tell if I have drunk the coffee because the blog that day probably makes more sense.
     What does today's title have to do with what I have written?  Absolutely nothing in that I was going to write about something else completely different than what I am writing about today.  That's just how my mind works. I have not had my coffee yet, so that kind of explains it all.  To those on the other side of the world who are not reading my blog, it is the late afternoon (17:00 in whatever timezone is opposite of PST...see I told you I was going to impress you about time.) where you are living.  You are awake-at least most of you.
There are no excuses for not being understandable and brilliant.  What does that have to do with anything?  I better go have my coffee.

I Have To Do What?

   When the advertisement for the temporary job came out, I took the job.  It looked like it would be a lot of fun, and let's face it, I couldn't pass up the cash.  For the amount of time that I was going to work and for what it paid,it was worth it.  I was goin to go to a very busy store and pass out samples of a well known product.  This was almost like stealing.
    I got to the store where I was to pass out samples and reported to the store manager. It was very, very busy.  I told him who I was and what I was there for. I knew I was in trouble by the next question he asked.
    "Are you sure you want to do this?" The store was very busy.
    "Uh, yes."  I replied with a great amount of wonder as to his question. The store was very, very busy.
    "Well, the ad agency really wanted women to do this...the prettier the better.  Well, here take a look at this.  This is the job kit they sent over.  It has your uniform.  You can change in my office or in the men's room.    Uh...I would suggest my office and you will see why.  The product is in the back and you can easily find it. Good Luck!" The store was very, very, very busy.
    What was that all about, I thought to myself. I opened the box and found my "uniform".  There it was, the wig, the skirt and the extra large sweatshirt with the company's name and logo, all hot pink with huge chartruese lettering . I was supposed to wear this stuff. The store was very, very, very, very, very busy.
     I guess pride goes before the fall, so I made the best of the situation and put on the garb.  The wig hurt my head, the sweatshirt made me too hot and the skirt kept falling down which is a scary thought in and of itself. I had to keep reminding myself that I was making a lot of money for this.  As many of you know, I was in an opera in August, and you have to play the part of a character and act.  For this job, I summoned all the creative juices that were in me and played the part as if I were a beautiful woman. That was truly a stretch as I looked like, well I will let you make the mental picture and fill in the blank with the adjectives of your own choice.
    I have to make a little confession here, maybe the story I just told wasn't exactly accurate.  My confession here is to reassure my second daughter who lives in Missouri that I haven't really lost it, again.  The part about the product demonstration was true.  I did not have to wear the uniform, and the product was given out by the store employees before I had gotten there.  But one fact was undeniable....The store was very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very busy.

Black Friday

     Those of you outside the US may rest easy, this message is not for you.  For those of you within the borders of these great United States of America I hae to say, are you out of your freakin' minds?  Is a $39.95 electronic device or whatever worth the $2.50 that you save over a regular sale to wait in line outside a store for hours and miss a great holiday such as Thanksgiving.  Are you crazy?  I am sorry, life is too short for that.

A Matter of Perspective

     Today is Thanksgiving Day here in the United States, and for most of us we will pause and reflect on the blessings and all the good things that have been provided.  The highlight for most of us is the Thanksgiving Feast, with a roasted turkey being the centerpiece of the meal.  Think of the turkey's perspective on this day.  Don't think on it very long though, just dig in!  Happy Thanksgiving!

I'm Sorry...Someone Has To Do It

     I am really sorry.  I did not choose this new career, the one of writer.  I know how many of you think that I am playing at what I do, and that is just not true.  This is hard work-work that requires a lot of creativity and dedication. Despite what you may think, coming up with stories and observations is not all fun and games.
     Take what I am doing today.  I have to go down to Valencia, by Six Flags Magic Mountain just north of Los Angeles, and play golf at the Tournament Players Course.  Not many people know about this course so it is my duty to shed journalistic light on this well kept secret.  I must bring it to the masses in its glory and beauty. Just think of the personal danger to me and to Rick, who will be recording the event in pictures. The freeway can be very dangerous and just think of the extreme physical exertion it will take to bring the story.  Pity us if you must but it has to be done, especially Rick because he is driving and is stuck for three hours listening to my stupid jokes and stories.
     Rick will be working hard to record the experience in the best light possible, literally.  I am going to have to weave a web of words that conveys the essence of the course. Just think of the mental energy, not to mention the physical energy it is going to take on both our parts. Life as an artist and writer is really difficult. 

Some Better Than Others

     OK, so I am tired today.  Yesterday's post was a very good one.  Today, I am taking off because I expended all my creative juices yesterday.  Tomorrow may be different but for today I am not even going to post.  Remember, Sunday is a day of rest.

Art Appreciation

     I enjoy art.  My tastes are fairly diverse, and I surround myself with as much expensive fine pieces of art as I can.  These are expensive pieces of fine art that have truly changed the world, and man's expression of his world. That's what the salesman told me. I know that salesmen always tell the truth because I was one once and I always told the truth. Hey, I paid a lot of money for this stuff.
     As I look around my humble abode, I can enjoy several pieces of fine art.  I enjoy statuary, and have made a sizable investment in it.  The alabaster dolphin that graces my kitchen counter is a beautiful white with reddish brown streaks.  This reddish brown color compliments my tanned skintones, and closely matches my eye color.  I picked it up after a couple of shots of tequila in Ensenada, Mexico... Ah, Mexico.
     What exactly is seaglass?  I don't know, but I bought two pieces of it and I like them.  The first piece is a multicolored pelican that is transluscent.  The selling point of this piece was the fact you could see the fish that the pelican had just caught in its beak.  This is the height of creativity and expression.  I also had in my possession another piece of high-end seaglass.  It was a clear glass dolphin coming out of a ball representing the earth, very beautiful I might add. Sadly, this piece did not survive the death march...I'm sorry, the move...to my appartment.
     I even support public art in a big way.  I donate to the State of California (DMV) a high three figure dollar amount to continue the priveledge.  As a result of this contribution, I have hung my front liscense plate in a place in my kitchen that need a piece of fine art.  It is just the piece I needed, damn the expense.
     Finally, I come to my most beloved and enduring piece.  I have hung it above my kitchen table/work area...the table is in the kitchen because we couldn't get it into the office so my kitchen became the office...and gaze on it constantly.  It is truly one of the most important pieces of art ever painted.  It rivals the Mona Lisa.  That piece is entitled "A Bold Bluff"  and is the painting of dogs playing poker.  WOW!!!  

40 Years Ago

     What did we do forty years ago?  Where were we without the technology we have?  I found out in a couple of ways Tuesday night after I had just moved in.  It was the pits!
     Tuesday morning, as I said, I had all of my belongings moved into my new apartment.  The satelite TV technician came and set up my  TV.  Growing up, I remember three channels.  Life was easy.  It was a scandal when Harry Pappas challenged the big boys and started his independent channel 26 here in Fresno.  He was viewed as an outcast.  How dare he challenge the domain dominated by channels 24, 30 and 47.  I believe channel 18 was up and running, but it was Public Television, and nobody watched Public Television except those devoted to Sesame Street.  My satelite TV was up and running and I was a happy camper.  I had other things to do so I turned off the TV and did what I had to do.
     What I am going to say here is just a bit of wisdom I have garnished over my many years.  When something is going to be installed by a technician...where were we and what would this world be without technicians?...the TV company said that the echnician would arrive between 8:00 and 12:00, and they tell you that someone needs to be there when the technician is there the technician shows up at 11:59:59? I guess that is the way that God set up the rythym of life, I don't know.
     I'm sorry that I have led you astray from the story I began to tell so back to where I was going with this.  I returned to the appartment, opened a cold one...not going to say what...and sat down in my favorite chair to watch TV.  I used to plop down on the couch to watch TV, but we couldn't get the couch out of the house during the move so we left it, sort of like the stuff that went down with the Titanic.  It was going to be great, watch TV in my new apartment with no interruptions.  Life is sweet. 
     I turned on the TV.  The screen came on and all I got was the dancing logo.  Where is the remote?  I think that the tv companies logo is quite futuristic, but I want to watch TV, not watch a logo dance around the screen. I pressed every button I could think of and up came a 771 message.  What the heck is a 771 message.  OK, let's check the cable and the how it is hooked.  Just to be safe, let's call customer service so that I know that it is hooked up properly...An hour later the customer service man on the phone says that the problem is not in the hook up, but in the system.  He would have to send out a...technician.  When?  The earliest would be by Friday and this was Tuesday.  Needless to say, my patience was being tried.  The customer service man told me that he checked his schedule and there was an opening for tomorrow at when else....between 8:00 and 12:00 and someone had to be there.
      Life was so much simpler 40 years ago.  We didn't have a remote.  We turned the TV on by pulling out the on-off button.  We changed channels with a dial.  We had an automatic dial where you pushed a button and the TV cycled through the channels manually with a motor...now that was high technology.  We hooked up the TV antenna that was up on the roof bestowing us the pleasure of watching a whopping four channels, and channel # 4 very rarely came in clearly.  The antennae wire was brown and flat, and screwed into the back of the TV.  The only technician was the TV repairman, and if he came out you knew you were in trouble. Oh, for a simpler life.
     What did I do when I had no TV Tuesday?  In bed at 7.

I Am Truly Moved...At Least My Furniture Is

     I finally got moved totally into my apartment yesterday.  Home Sweet Home has moved a few miles away from where it was.  The cause of this event is another story, one that I may tell at a later time and many of you know it so I won't go there.  Other than totally alienating half of the people that I love because of my less than Christian attitude for that short time, the move went well.  Home is where the heart is, or any other place that circumstances or the fortunes of life force it to be.  I survey my new domain and I am King and absolute ruler...well, not so much as I don't own the place I only rent it.
    

Wow! What Happened?

     I understand that this title might be a bit misleading. but bear with me.  As you all know, my posts most of the time are anything but boring.  I like to hook you in with my titles using my wit and charm (ladies, are you listening?). Here goes.
     I sing in a community choior, as I think I have said before.  Yesterday was a rehearsal for the performance which will be today.  Here's the story.  We  were arranging in the risers and were ready to rehearse, but there was a slight problem.  Some of the singers sit on the floor in chairs to sing as the performance is an hour long and some can't stand that long.  The performance is grueling and demanding, so they sit. 
     There was an older lady, who was supposed to perform in a chair and when she went to find a chair there was not one available where she was supposed to sit.  There were open chairs about fifteen feet away from where she was to sit.  We in the bass secection just watched in apathy, myself included, as the lady went over and got her own chair and dragged it to where she was supposed to be.  Whatever happened to chivalry and gentlemenly action.  Is it dead?  To the defense of us low-noters and true men (just a minute, let me duck to dodge the things the tenors are about to throw at me) the tenors just watched as well, which is probably expected of the high-noters.  Tenors, I am sorry that I just said that.  Will you forgive me and I want you to know I have nothing against you tenors. many of my friends are tenors.  I have known many manly tenors and I better quit this discussion before I really get myself in trouble if I already haven't.  
     Chivalry is dead.  Just a short time ago, had this happened ten men would have gotten out of their places and got the chair for this lady. As I have said before, most changes are good but not all changes.  This brings up another question.  I think that we need to look at how we treat each other, male or female.  Oh well, I am going off to find a lady I can find a chair for.

Never Give Up

     There are times in a person's life that it looks rather bleak.  The temptation is to just give up and crawl into a shell.  It looks better to just give up and sit on the "pity pot".  What good is that?  What does it accomplish?  Move on, there is a lot to life and you will get through it.  I know how hard it is, I'm there.
     I don't want to share what I am going through right now.  My world seems to be coming down around me.  What was comfortable has been totally destroyed.  At times, my life circumstances seem too tall to climb.  The thought has occurred to me at very low emotional times to throw it all away and just give up. 
     Why?  There is so much in this life that I have not experienced.  I have done much in my very short life, and there is more to come.  That's exciting!  Grieving is fine, and there is a time for that and is a very important part of life.  Don't let that grief overcome and paralyze.  I understand that temptation is there and real when you go through trials, but whatever it is it will pass and in most cases come out on the other side a better person.
     At the risk of once again dating myself, I must say, "Today is the first day of the rest of your life." The choice is yours as to what you do with it. As for me, I see the fun and excitement that lay ahead and I choose to "Keep on Truckin". 

Endings and Beginnings

     I hate endings.  They are always so final, and if you dwell on them they can be sad.  The word "never" seems to pop up and strong emotions come up.  In life, the very word end can give the empression of there is nothing to follow or replace what has been either good or bad.  There is nothing after what has been, and can cause a period of mourning. 
     There is another way of looking at this.  Most of the time, when there is an ending somwhere ther is a new beginning.  I care to look at this as the glass being half full.  The old must go in order for the new to be planted and grow.  Endings of old things many times are followed by the beginning of new things.  The new, many times, far exceeds the old.
     I am sorry that this may seem so cryptical today, that is how I am feeling.  There are changes going on in my life, major changes.  Let the old end and be burried.  I am looking forward to the new and exciting beginning.  Its exciting!
    

Not All There

     I didn't post yesterady and I am just now posting today.  I am sorry about that, but the day just kind of got away from me.  I swore this morning that I was going to post right after I cleaned my bathroom...which didn't get done, by the way...but I got a phone call and I had to leave the house.  One thing led to another and just now returned to the house.  I know that you all would be very disappointed if I didn't write anything so I am writing now.  Hold on, cause here it comes.  You will truly love this, its quite funny.
     Wow, my kitchen stinks!  Just a minute, I have to answer the phone.  Hold on....Got to run, I have to leave so I will continue this post later. 

No Pain, No Gain...Boloney!

     Endorphines are supposed to make you feel great.  There is a flip side to that, though.  In order to have endorphines released into your bloodstream, you must lift heavy objects or walk long distances or do some other foolish thing to your body that requires some sort of physical work.  I am not against physical work, its just that my body sees no point in doing it unless it is neccessary, and a question of life or death.  These are things they don't tell you in the teacher credential program, sort of like not telling you that your students really are not motivated to learn and that when you first go into a classroom on your own you are fresh meat.
     What on earth am I talking about here.  Well, I have been noticeing that I have gained a few pounds recently.  OK, there was the surgery but that may just be an excuse.  Time for me to work out in the gym again.  Today was the day.  I am not exactly sore at this point, but...wait for it...wait for it...wait for it because it is coming.  I also have to work out at the ungodly hour of 6:00 AM.  If I am not in the gym by then, my day gets away from me.  Veni...Vedi...Vicci...I went, I saw and worked out, and it conquered.  Actually I do feel great and I am happy to be back working out.  It has been a very long time and believe it or not, I have missed it. 

Today is...

     Today is Sunday, or at least it is Sunday here in California.  There are a couple of reasons that I know this.  I went to church this morning and sang in the choir- I still have problems spelling choir.  I am a presbyterian and there were people in the church as well as a message from the pastor so I guess it is Sunday.  American football is also on, but that is no longer an indication that it is Sunday.  I understand that there is a game on Thursday this week.  The world is truly not the same.  I have no idea what day football, or soccer, is played in the other parts of the civilized world.  Australian rules football is another story. What about Rugby?
     At any rate, since it is Sunday I am taking the day off so don't expect me to post anything.  For those of you on the other side of the International Dateline it is Monday, so this post is for you.  I have nothing witty to say today for those who are on the my side of the world, so  on the other side of the world you can read this and chuckle at those of us on this side of the planet who are not laughing at my blog  I am not writing  today because it is Sunday. With all that is going on in my life, I need the rest in order to provide all of you the chuckles and belly laughs that you have come to expect.  This is hard work! So, you think that this stuff just comes to me out of thin air? It doesn't.  I must go now to rest my brain.  What am I going to write about tomorrow, let's see....

A Writer's Life

     There is a fundamental question that goes through the minds of all writers every moment that they live.  It is the guide by which they live, and it consumes that life.  That question is, What am I going to write about? 
     A writer's life is to write, and sometimes the ideas don't come.  On the other hand, sometimes you just can't turn them off.  They are all around you, flooding your brain to the point that you can't sleep or carry on a decent conversation.  I remember telling my publisher that I could do a story about a blank piece of paper.      
     People that I know can always see when I am trying to work out a story in my brain.  They recognize the blank stare and the talking directly to me with no answer from me.  I have had some interesting stuff thrown at me or done to me to get my attention when I am with someone. Thursday, it was a dozen Titleist golf balls, thrown softly at me by the golf buddies I was playing the round with that day.  Don't worry, they missed my head by only inches.  Steve has always been a bad shot, or so the incident report said.  He's a policeman by the way.
     OK, this was not one of my normal posts in that I didn't have you rolling on the floor with laughter.  I guess what I will have to do is to inject my sense of humor here, and ask you one of my questions for the ages.  Here goes.  What do you call an airplane that is not painted and takes off from Lincoln, Nebraska?  That ought to be simple, give up?  It is a plain plane that takes off from the plain.  Bad, I know, but what can you do with such short notice.  Besides, I had to free up space in a hurry and ignore all those ideas for stories that are dancing in and out of my small brain.  

Question, or Questions For the Ages

     My intent with this blog is to make my reader think and interact with my writing.  One way to do this is to ask thoughtful and provocative questions.  No, my first question this morning-it is morning here-is not " how do you spell provacative".  I must go deeper than that, and there are really two questions. 
     As a young man growing up, I asked myself this question many times.  What am I going to do and be like when I grow up?  Now that I have retired, I ask myself this question often.  What am I going to do and be like now that I have grown up? 

It's Another Great Day

     Good Morning to everyone!  I also would like to say Ola to the readers in Peru.  I wish you a wonderful Autumn day.  Wait a minute, is it morning in Peru?  Let me think about this a bit.  Is it Autumn in Peru?  I am totally confused.  Let's think about this a minute.
     If I say good  morning to someone who lives in St. Petersburg, Russia do I say good morning to his friend who lives in Vladivastok, Russia at the same time?  If I go to church on Sunday morning here in California, are people in Japan on the other side of the Pacific Ocean getting ready to go to church, if they go to to church?  Nope, its not Sunday there it's Monday afternoon and people are hard at their jobs. 
     Christmas is coming and I love to travel.  I have never experienced a white Christmas with snow.  I have never been to Australia and I might go there for the winter snows-does it snow in Australia?  If it does, I might go there.  Wait a minute, it's not winter in Austrailia, they are bgeinning their summer.  I'm confused, but let's go to the beach and have a white Christmas only with beach sand, not snow.  Does it snow anywhere in Australia? 
    I can't afford to travel to Australia this year, so I guess that idea is going to go down the drain.  If I pour that idea down the drain in Equador, I can pour part of it down the drain and it will go down clockwise and the rest I can pour down in a drain just inches away, and it will go down the other way, counterclockwise. 
     This planet of ours has some very interesting ways about it.  Of course it is not the same time or season in other parts of the world.  There are 24 timezones on the Earth and four hesipheres.  It can be winter in the North and Summer in The South.  Knowing this, I'm still confused.  What time is it, anyway?

Is That Really Me?

     There is a mirror in my bedroom and in the morning the first thing that I see is myself in that mirror.  I have recently noticed that my image is sort of like a building in a time lapse movie.  The scary thing is that the time lapse is the building getting bigger, not being torn down. 
     Yes folks, I am gaining weight.  I suppose that I could sit here and whine about it and keep eating the Mother's Taffy Cookies--ten at a time--and eating the Klondike Bars.  What would I do for a Klondike Bar? For those ouside the U.S. that do not know what a Klondike Bare is, it is a square of vanilla ice cream dipped in hard chocolate.  Their advertising tag line, since they are so luscious, is "What would you do for a Klondike Bar?"...I hope someone from Klondike Bars is listening because I hope the would throw some cash my way for the subtle advertising, but that would never happen.
     I have excuses.  I lost 70 pounds last year, but have put 15 back on.  I had surgery, and could not go to the gym, except to do cardio.  I hate cardio.  I couldn't lift weights, small with many reps as I am not a bodybuilder but a golfer.  I couldn't play golf either.  I was cleared to exercise and play golf and then my back went out.  Now, my back is much better and I am going back to the gym this morning.  Don't worry, I'm not going to push it as I know you are all concerned for my safety and health.
    It is time for action.  I have three more Klondike Bars in the freezer and a case of Taffy Cookies.   When those are gone, that's it and no more.  I am on my way to the gym as we speak...technically we are not speaking, I am writing...but I am going.  It is really enjoyable when I think about it.  I promise to cut down and get back to the weight loss.  How many calories in a triple mocha with whipped cream from Starbucks?           
    

I Want To...

     I have noticed that there are many people who are blessing me with following my blog.  I am not going to be humorous abouty this post, I will do that in the morning (Pacific Daylight Time).  What I did want to do is to thank all of you who are reading my blog.

To those here in the United States, I want to say thank you very much and I hope you keep enjoying my wiriting.

To those in Germany, I do speak German.  Vielen Dank, meine Damen und Herren.

To those in Italy, I am half Italiean by the way, I say Ciao and Grazie.

To those in the Arabic countries I say Sukrahn (I probably didn't say that right, but I hope you got the idea.)

To those in Malaysia, Indonesia and Singapore, I say thank you.

To my friends and readers in India, I say...I don't know what I would say in the native languages but I do say thank you very much.

To those in Russia, I say SpasSebo.

To those in Slovakia, I have no idea so I just say thank you.

To those in Australia, G'day Mate and I thank you.

To those Kiwis in New Zealand I say thank you.

To those in Canada, Thank you eh'.  I have been to Canada twice and loved it.  You will be impressed that I know what Loonies and Twonies are and how much they are worth.

I am very grateful that you are reading my blog and I hope that you are enjoyuing it.  For better or for worse, there are more coming and I hope you enjoy them.  I hope that you get a laugh out of them.

Why Didn't I Think Of That?

     As may writer's do, I got up this morning only to stare at a blank screen.  Wanting to write something clever and informative, my brain was completely void of any creative thought.  Thank God for MSN.  It provided the needed inspiration to create something that truly is important to our society and will change the world forever.  I don't know about changing the world forever... you decide. Remember, this blog is interactive and demands your participation. 
     It seems as though, as reported by MSN, that some guy put a mini-cam--do they still use the word mini--on his dog's collar and the video feed is going viral.  By the way, I am impressed with myself that I know the meaning of viral as it relates to the internet.  Up until a few months ago, I thought you took a flu shot for something that was going viral.  As you have probably discovered, my mind goes off on tangents and I guess that this bit on viral is one of those occassions, so I will get back now to my original thought.  This guy that put the camera on his dog's collar is going to make a ton of money off this.  I am not talking about enough money to buy a pizza and a six pack.  We are talking about major money, probably enough to send his six kids to Harvard through their MBA program and still have enough money to buy a small island.  Such a simple idea. 
    I have two dogs.  They stay at the house alone during the day.  I am sure that they get into a lot of trouble and their little "doggie" lives are not boring. When my smallest dog, a chihuahua who thinks he is a dalmation, chases out to bark at the big Siberian Huskie next door, or when he chases our cat it is truly a scream. I could be the one that could be making twice the fortune, and maybe buy a small Caribean island. Why didn't I think of putting a camera on my two dogs.  I could maybe make twice as much.  My kids are grown and I don't have to pay for college, but I do have a couple of weddings to pay for.  That may cost more than Harvard. If I put the cameras on the dog's collars and post their antics on the internet to go viral,
    

Doctor, Doctor, It Hurts When I Do This...

   My back is still hurting.  I am tired of the pain, and visited Theodore the Magnificent yesterday.  Theodore the Magnificent has a great way of healing about him, however the milage on this Chevrolet (me) is great.  Although he pushes and stretches, works the spine and grunts a lot, the back is still hurting.  Even that gift from the ancient aliens, electronic stimulation does not totally ease the pain.  I am better, and each time Theodore the Magnificent lays his healing hands on my back it does get a little better. 
     It just take a bit longer to get well.  Most of the time, my back responds quite nicely to Theodore the Magnificent's valliant efforts.  There are times that it takes several visits to Theodore the Magnificent to heal the problem.  It has been a very long time since my back has acted up this way, and I knew that it would come. When it gets this bad, I have to supplement with blessed potions to supplement Theodore the Magnificent's wonderful intervention with the pharmaceutical of the gods, ibuprophen.  Don't worry, I can take it with the blessings of Theodore the Magnificent. 
    I plan to take it easy today.  You all know that this may be hard for me, as I have a very full day planned and tomorrow I am going to play golf in Monterey.  Can you overdose on ibuprophen?  I guess I will have to do the muscle stretches that Theodore the Magnificent suggested as his ritual to appease the gods of the spine (Again, I know there are no gods of healing. This is a disclaimer.).  I wish that the pain would finally go away.  It will, but I only hope that it is soon.
     Doctor, Doctor... It hurts when I do this....
     Don't do that.



   

Seeing the World Clearly

     Many times I have endeavored to answer the questions of the ages.  Today has brought to light one of those questions.  Ponder this one, because it truly is something that requires extremely deep thought.  I am not going to write much about the question, I want this blog to be as interactive as possible.  Put on your thinking caps...do they use that term in Germany or Russia?...and ponder this.
     I wear glasses because my vision is deteriorating with age.  If my glasses remain on my nose and face where they are supposed to stay, and I am not touching them or have not touched them, why is it they smudge in the middle constantly?  Think about that for awhile....

The "Back" Is Not Back

     The body is a marvelous invention.  When it works correctly it is a thing of beauty.  All parts work in unison to keep us functioning and healthy. Such is the case with the back and the mechanisms of the spine. It is not supposed to hurt.
     My back hurts.  It has been hurting now for at least three weeks.  I thought that it was getting better, and I did start feeling better but the back gods got angry with me last Friday for playing golf.  I think I am serving pennance.  The golf gods were pleased with my swing as I shot better than I expected, but today my back is killing me.  Just think of the titanic battle between the two houses of the devine, sort of like Olympus taking on Valhalla.  (I am speaking metaphorically of course.  There are no back gods or golf gods. Just a bit of a disclaimer there.) 
     Today, I must visit the adjustor who will make all things painful right. Theodore the Magnificent will manipulate the working parts of my spine and all will be in balance again, or at least I would hope so. I will have to pay tribute to Theodore the Magnificent in the form of an offering, also known as a co-pay.  This is so little in order to get right and be freed of pain.
    To sum all this up, my back hurts and I am going to the chiropractor to get it adjusted so it won't hurt anymore.  Why didn't I just say that in the first place.  Why did I go through three paragraphs of crap just to say that?  Art.....

Not This Time: Laughs on Hold

     My prayers go out to the victims of the earthquake in Turkey.  Living here in California we live with the idea of The Big One" every day. There are many natural disaster in which you can prepare for, or at least evacuate but an earthquake is something that you can't predict.  It just happens and destroys.  Pray for those victims in Turkey and know in life that anything can happen. 

What Day Is It?

     I have to go to work today.  I think. what day is it anyway?  Now that I have retired, days just seem to flow together.  I know that it would be worse if I was just sitting on my keyster watching T.V., as my beloved ex-wife seems to think I am doing.  However, as most retirees know, I am busier now and don't have a set schedule. My eight to five job is no longer eight to five, which really isn't a bad thing just different.  I do like it.
     Let's see if we can track today down.  Sunday I go to church, but last Sunday I didn't because I had to...notice I said had to...cover a local airshow and had to be there all day.  It was tough, but somebody had to do it.  That threw Monday into a dither because I rested so it felt like Sunday.  Tuesday brought a busy day, so it felt like Monday.  Wednesday I took care of my grandkids, whom I normally see on Friday.  Since I was with my grandkids, I couldn't go to my writer's group. 
     Thursday, I did very little and stayed home.  Was it Sunday?  No, Its Thursday and I sort of knew this because Thursday is trash day and there were trash cans out on the street.  Not mine though, because I thought it was...well I don't know.  Friday saw me playing golf, with a bad back by the way.  No, I didn't end up in the hospital. 
    Yesterday, my son and I went out of town.  That messed up everything.  I think today is Sunday, but the only way I will know for sure is if I go to church this morning and there is choir practice.  If there isn't, wow that will really throw me off for what I think is next week.  All this and I have to go to work this afternoon. 
   I think I know how to remedy this.  How about looking at my calendar.  Just a second, let me look at it to make sure what day it is.  Wait a minute, something's not right.  That's August.      

Stupid Things I Have Done (Or About To Do)

     I have done a lot of stupid things in my life.  We all have.  In my last post, I talked about how getting older and more experienced requires a good amount of courage and wisdom.  I ask you this question.  Is doing the wise thing always the fun thing to do? 
     Today, I have decided to suspend wisdom.  My back is hurting.  I haven't played golf in a long time due to my recent surgery and my back went out a couple of weeks ago.  I have been cleared to play from my surgery and I want to play NOW!  I am going to play today, even though my back is bothering me.  I have been good by icing it down and being wise about what I do, until today.  Stupidity is going to rule the day today.  I am going to play golf even though my back isn't 100%. 
     My decision has been made.  Stupidity will rule the day.  Come visit me in the hospital.    

Ouch!!!

     It takes a special courage to get old.  Now, I know that some of you will say that considering the alternative, getting old is appealing.  It still takes an enormous amount of courage.  Many times I have heard the saying "If I only knew then what I know now" speaking about wisdom, well what about health?  Can we turn this around by saying "If I only felt now like I felt then"?  Those little aches and pains that we dismissed as just an annoyance in our younger years didn't slow us down.  Those same little aches and pains are not so little anymore.  We "soldier" on in our daily lives as best we can, but it hurts!
    Two weeks ago I threw my back out, how I don't know.  Normally one or two trips to the chiropractor, 800 milligrams of Ibuprophen and icepacks fix me right up in a day or two.  Even the ultrasonic therapy and the electronic stimulation has failed. How am I going to play golf tomorrow?  I haven't played golf for two months and I am going stir crazy.  I had surgery on my stomach in August which my doctor would not let me play so as not to injure the repairs to my stomach.  Oh the misery of it all.  Courage, my son...   

There Is Nothing Like The Smell Of Starbucks In The Morning

     Robert Duval said in Apocalypse Now, "There is nothing like the smell of napalm in the morning."  OK, I admit I like the smell of JP-5 jetfuel as it is being burned in a jet engine but I want to get away from my warlike roots and take a bit more peaceful direction to that thought.  Its morning here in wonderful Central California and I have not been awake for very long.  Enough with this creative drivel, I need my coffee!
     I planned this post to be a lot longer than this, but it is off to Starbuck's to sip the nectar of the gods.  I can smell it form here, literally a mile away from my nearest Starbuck's.  By the way, who would have thought that I would be paying $1.65 for a stupid cup of coffee.  I guess my answer would be oh well, they got me.   

Hey Dave...What Are You Going to do Now That You Retired?

     I tell you one thing I'm not going to do.  I'm not going to Disneyland, can't afford it and the Disney Corporation isn't going to pay for the trip because I didn't win the Superbowl.  In fact, I just broke my cereal bowl but that's another story.  What a shame too, I really love Cocoa Puffs.
     What am I doing since I retired?  Let's see....I am involved in Private Affadavit Schooling through an organization called CTE under the Perkins Act.  What about the stories I am writing for West Coast Golfer.  That doesn't count right now because of the surgery I had in August so I can't play golf. This will start again within a couple of weeks when I am returned to playing golf.
     Speaking of writing, We just put Central California's Family First Magazine to bed.  I am excited about this because of the opportunities and the fact that I am involved in something from the beginning that is on a fast track to success.  As many of my friends know, I did retire to pursue my writing career. One step has led to another and I am being paid for my writing.  I haven't seen a check yet because the first issue of the magazine comes out on November 1, but it is coming.  This will not make me rich but it is a start.  It is a large board in my writing platform.
     If you were to ask me my favorite part of retirement, the answer would be very simple.  I am a father to my kids, finally, and a grandfather to my 31/2-- soon to be 4--grandsons.  The stories I could tell and the fulfillment of having a loving relationship with my kids and grandkids is wonderful.  The closeness I feel in our relationship is something that I never imagined.
     There are other things that I am doing to give back to the community.  My church is important as well as making that occassional peanut and butter sandwich for the homeless people who dive in our trashcans looking for recycleables for cash.  It seems as though I have nothing to do and I am sitting at home in front of my couch playing video games or watching TV.  With appologies to "The Stadler Brothers" singing group, here's what my day is like.  "Watching flowers on the wall, that don't bother me at all.  Playing solitaire till dawn, with a deck of 51.  Smoking cigarettes," ...  OK, I don't smoke cigarettes, just the occassional cigar.  This was an old song that was not polically correct, but I will carry on here with the lyrics... "And watching Captain Kangaroo,"...Captain Kangaroo is no longer on television.  I do watch a lot of the History Channel..."Now don't tell me, I've nothing to do."
     I've been accused of doing nothing in my retirement and sitting on my butt doing nothing but watch TV and play golf.  NOT!    

Changes

     I am not a person that does well with change.  There are things in my life that are having monumental consequences, good and bad, in my life.  Its not an issue of life or death, it is one of grow for the positive or stay where you are.  Choices need to be made, choices that will improve my life for the better.  That still does not take the pain away.  I know that I founded this blog to express my humor and make people laugh, but sometimes circumstances require a practical outlook, instead of a good laugh.  Make a decision on what is practical and a right decision based on what is good for me and laugh about it later.  I hate growing up.

Blessings

     Today's thoughts may be a bit different.  I have a been a bit down the last couple of days because of what is going on in my life. Those of you who know me, can understand what I am saying and at this point I am going to have to make some hard decisions.   My comments are not going to be humorous, but I hope they are uplifting.
     Lately, I have been seeing the glass half empty.  This happens occassionally to this man (me) of uncureable optomism.  It is the dawn and I am trying to awaken.  The only way to do this is to take stock of my blessings and what great things God has provided for me.  They are many.  This  blue "funk" needs to be broken and my attitude needs to change back to the glass being half full.  The bottom line is, I am richly blessed.  I am not just talking about things. 
   When you are down, take a look around you at what is happening that is good in your life.  No matter what you are going through, there is always an abundance of good things.  Concentrate on those things, it will lift you up.  

Completion

     There is one very important trait in me that I absolutely have to change.  I am a last minute guy.  Here I am starting a new writing thing, and in order to become successful, there must be some changes made. 
     There first thing I am going to strive to do is to make my publisher's deadline at least two days early.  With this comes following up on thank yous etc. 
     The next think I need to do is to get organized and stay organized.  My records are a disaster.  I am a piler.  How many of you are piler's?  My filing system is that I know where something is in relation to where it is in the pile of papers.  Filing cabinets worry me.  I must get over this phobia in ordre to become successful.
     Lastly, I need to get back to making sure that my house is tidy and in order.  That commen, for those who know me and live with me is pretty self-explanitory.  Don't get me wrong, the health department would not come and condemn my living conditions but I would like to do better.
     I know that this has not been the most humorous bipiece that I have written for my blog, but hat is what is on my mind and I wanted to share it.  This post probably will go into the "For what its worth" file, but that's OK.

A Nut and Proud of It

     I am a nut, and I am proud of it.  What fun is life if you live it so seriously.  God has given us so many days on this earth, why not enjoy them?
     Let's make something very clear here.  I am not talking about doing foolish things.  You must also be responsible in your life and live within your "tolerances".  Why not take a look at those "tolerances" and make the best of them?  Why not find the humor in you life and have a good life.  Why not bring a smile to someone else?  Why not have a good chucle, even at your own expense?  I hope you understand what I am talking about.  I have to run now, I will be late for my bungie-jumping appointment.  Nah.......

Welcome Back, Kotter...OOPs...Uh Rallis

     Well, I'm back.  As some of you may know, I went on a cruise with my son.  That is another story that I will perhaps share with you at a later time...maybe not, it just depends on what is going on in my small brain at the time.  Anyway, it has been eleven days since I have last posted so I thought I had better post.  You can do the math, four day cruise and I haven't posted in eleven.  What happened to the other seven.  Was I sitting by the pool sipping fruit punch?  That would be impossible, since my pool is dry and it is hot in my back yard.  Anyway, thank you for staying with me!
     You would think that going on a cruise would be a fun thing, and when I looked at the whole experience I had a great time with my son.  However, it didn't start out that way.  I went to bed Sunday night, eagerly expecting our trip down to Long Beach to board the ship.  I was happy! You don't know how happy.  Monday morning had a different idea for me.  I woke up at 4:00 in the morning to go to the restroom.  As I fluished the toilet, I discovered that I had no water pressure.  Hmmm...that's curious.  I looked out the bathroom window and there was a
 geyser in my front yard!
     Let me explain.  The water main and all the pipes in my house are old, and when one breaks you have to get creative to fix them.  The main line that is in my front yard has broken several times. I have had to splice the pipe and join the two ends with radiator hose, because I cannot replace the pipe with a regular size pipe.  The size just doesn't exist.  Guess what decided to break, just hours before we were to leave for our trip.  I looked up to check for clouds because I thought the sky would fall next.  Luckily it didn't, why I don't know.
     What do I do?  I guess I turn the water off to the house at the water main.  Let's go get the water key, and turn the water off at the meter.  One importnat detail that I need to share with you that I haven't already shared.  It is dark, very dark at 4:00 in the morning in the Northern Hemisphere at my latitude.  I could not see the valve to turn the water off.   Maybe I can feel for the valve and get the key on it to turn it off.  Nope...I decided that a strategic retreat to the house to regroup was in order.
    Flashlight...we need a flashlight!  What flashlight?  It was nowhere to be found in all the places that I looked.  I finally found one and guess what....No batteries.  What now, Old Faithful had been erupting in my front yard for over an hour by now.  Old Faithful turns off but my geyser was showing no signs of  subsiding.  What next?
     Suddenly the light came on, or was soon to come on.  I decided to drive my car up on the lawn and shine the headlights into the valve.  This shined enough light on the valve for me to struggle to get it shut off.  Old Faithful's eruption had ended. 
     Now, let's fix the pipe.  Are you out of your mind?  Do you realize what time it is?  We have a cruise ship waiting for us in Long Beach.  Let's pack up the car and go.  We can shower on the ship...goodbye!

Not This Year. Darn

     I wrote this post two years ago and am very saddened that this is not going to happen this year.  My wonderful surgeon has told me that I cannot play golf until probably October 1.  This is driving me crazy.  Maybe not crazy because I am already there but I think you get the point.  Soon, I hope, very soon.  In the meantime, enjoy a rerun.
     One last thing, I am going to be off for about a week.  Before you start cheering wildly, I hate to burst your bubble but I am going to return next week.  Have a great week! 

Where Else Would I Be Going On A Day Off?

It's Labor Day Weekend so I am not going to write much today. I am going to go play golf (what else?) over at the Central Coast of California with the normal group. The three of us have a lot of fun together on the course and the antics are memorable, if nothing else.
I am bigdog, the nickname I was given because I am such a fan of Big Dog shirts and I am, well...a big guy (I also carry the nicname of Pirate, but that is another story.). Then there is Officer Steve. We call him that because for obvious reasons (He is a sargeant with the Fresno P.D.). Our third is Neeley, Hurler of Sticks. You can only guess where that nicname came from. I will be mentioning these fine gentlemen in later blogs. Lastly, We have a fourth joining us, who I have never met and I do not know his name. I shall call him, because I am such a baseball fan and I like the term, the player to be named later.
Have a great Holiday!

What is a DORK?

     When I was leavng this morning to take my son to work I told him a joke.  He chuckled and said back to me,  "Dad, you are such a DORK!"  What is a DORK?  I don't really know.
     How can you be something that you don't really know are the qualifications?  Is it how you dress?  Maybe shorts, sandals and a polo shirt with the buttons unbuttoned qualify me.  I just thought it was just comfortable to dress this way, and I very rarely wear socks.  How about the silver cross I wear around my neck, under the shirt by the way.  Am I a DORK for dressing this way?  I don't know.
    I watch the History Channel, both of them, Travel Channel, Military Channel and of course the big one The Weather Channel.  Don't mess with me in a Trivia Persuit Game, I will run you over.  Little pieces of totally irelevant information clog my brain and are just waiting for the opportunity to leap from the dark recesses of that small brain.  "Its crowded in here!" they scream searching for a way out. Is this a major qualification for DORKhood?  I don't know.
    I talk to strangers on the street whom I have never seen or met before.  What is the harm in striking up a conversation with someone you don't know.  You both have things to share and have different lives that are interesting.  Plus, what harm is it to acknowledge a perfect stranger for that personhood.  How about making that person smile.  What is the harm in that?  Do these people I talk to say after our enjoyable conversations, "There goes a real DORK."  If they do, and I have made someone's day, maybe that is not such a bad thing.
     How about my bad jokes.  I would like to explore this in later posts so I won't even go here now.  One of my upcoming posts will be a collection of my best jokes and puns.  Some of these are real homeruns, some are really bad third pitch swing and miss strikeouts.  But what the heck, I am having a lot of fun and laughing.  You are going to have to decide. 
     Am I a DORK?  you are just going to have to decide for yourself.  Given what I have just written, maybe I am a DORK, and I should wear that label with pride. 

What's This All About Today?

     For those of you who don't write for a living or have never put pen to paper to permanenetly record your thoughts, you probably won't understand what I am about to say. Actually, I shouldn't say that because I know that there are many of you out there who have striven to do just that, put ideas on paper to record for posterity but you loose the paper you have written on.  In my case, you accidentally hit the delete key because you have fat little fingers or some other stupid reason.  Where am I going with this? Oh yes, back to putting ideas on papaer or computer.  Here is what I was about to say before my attention deficit kicked in.  There is nothing worse for a writer than a blank computer screen or piece of paper staring you in the face, and not having the foggiest notion of what you are going to write about.  As I sit here in front of my computer screen, it is hitting me square between the eyes.  I have no clue as to what I am going to write about today.
     I fully understand my responsibilities as a writer.  You, as my followers are expecting to be entertained and perhaps get a hearty chuckle with my writings.  You dutifully log into your computers each day loyally coming to my site.  Of that I thank you, both of you.  I must admit that there are days that the well is dry.  I truly don't mean to let you down, its just that I try to maintain a certain high quality in my writings.  After all, do you want War and Peace and high quality, or do you want Mad Magazine?  My goal is not to dissappoint you.
     Today, I  have nothing to write about.  OK, I have said it.  I admit it and I am not going to ask for your forgiveness.  Michaelangelo didn't paint every day.  Picasso had his wine breaks and Papa Hemmingway went fishing.  I am going to go have a cup of coffee and maybe go out to breakfast. Manana. (Man-yana for those on the East Coast)
 

I haver anb owie

I haver an owie on my fingert.  I amn noty goingh to writewanythigh todayu because I habe a bandaid on my middler fingert and it isd hardf to typer.  Tomorrowe shouldf be bettert.

Play Ball...Or Something

     I really enjoy baseball.  My son and I can be seen in regular attendance at our neaby ballpark in which the Grizzlies, the Triple A affiliate of the SanFrancisco Giants, play.  I love the game, but that is not the fun part of baseball.  Baseball is an experience, three hours of sights and sounds.  It is.
     A couple of nights ago, my son and I went to a game.  I bought tickets on the day of the game, not specially choosing where we sit but in good seats for the game.  There is no way of knowing who is going to sit near you. In a way, that too is the fun of a game.  You get to meet and talk to people you have never met before and probably never see again.  That's the beauty of it all, fun and you can open your mouth and say stupid things and not worry about the embarrassment of it all. You will never see the person that hears the stupid remark again.  I am not talking about anything maliscious or racist.  I am talking about comments that perhaps show a lack of knowledge of the great game or just plain fun and maybe shocking in an unexpected way.
      My son and I recently went to the game, found our seats and sat down.  A few minutes later, the people with the seats behind us came in and sat down.  They were five older couples, by older I meant very late fifties to mid sixties.  They had ten tickets, five in the row behind us and five in the row behind that.  The men sat in a row two rows behind us, and the wives sat in the row behind us.  Very nice people, except the guys were talking baseball and enjoying the game while the wives were discussing other things.  Shopping was on their minds....among other things.  Remember, late fifties to early sixties, got it?
     The sixth inning saw a break in the action, the Grizzlies being out in the field.  One of the ladies behind me stated the question, "Why are their uniform pants so long?"
     "I don't know, but I don't like them."  another of the ladies said.  Remember, late fifties to early sixties, are you still with me?
     "They used to wear those pulled up socks and the pants were tight."  A third lady chimed in.
     "Those pants were really tight, and we got to see some rally tight butts.  I don't like the baggy pants.  I want to see some tight butts!"  The middle lady exclaimed. 
     All five of the ladies were of one accord, tight butts were on their minds.  I'm not sure how to react to that.  I think that I am a bit frightened by that, or perhaps sort of "deer in the headlights" sort of stunned.  I'm going to end my comments here, because I think that I am speechless.  The mental pictures are a bit unnerving to me.  I don't know how to process this.  Maybe I should go and watch a "Yogi Bear" cartoon or a "Tom and Jerry" cartoon. I may have been damaged for the rest of my life.  Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Don't Mess With Me Without My Morning Coffee

I woke up this morning at 2:00 AM (PDT for accuracy) unusually early. The first thing I do is instinctively stumble into our kitchen, fill the coffee maker with water, find the can with the coffee beans in it ( I am a coffee snob and grind my own fresh french roasted whole beans. I am still cheap though because I only go to Starbucks on occasion.). Over to the sink I go to grind my beans, gently carrying the bean can, coffee filter and filter holder. Now, open the can and put three heaping spoons of beans into the grinder. Wait a minute, where's the grinder? You don't understand, WHERE'S THE GRINDER?
This is not a good thing. I am semi-conscious and in a daze and I need my coffee, NOW! Go to McDonald's or Burger King and buy a cup. I'm sorry but I don't drive while sleepwalking or before I have had my coffee. I'm certainly not going to walk the 500 yards (I just put that in, Mc Donald's is actually about a quarter mile away and Starbuck's is about the same distance.). It's very dangerous. Who moved my cheese, I mean coffee grinder?  I don't care about those damn rats, I WANT MY COFFEE!!!!!!
Do you even realize (or realise for those of you English purists who live in Canada or England) what happens when you upset a 57 year old man and his very strict routine in the morning by changing something in his environment, especially since he hasn't had his Welbuterin in a few weeks.(By the way, I like Canada. I just got back from there, but you will have to read my article in West Coast Golfer Magazine for that story.) I certainly am glad that I don't have any guns or C-4 explosives around the house (ONLY KIDDING!). It really does upset your day. At any rate, where is that grinder

Of Music and Body Slams

     Truly, I am not a snob.  I have sampled cavier but also have enjoyed the delights of pickled pigs feet.  Dom Perignon has caressed my lips and flowed luxuriously down my throat, as well as Keystone Light.  I have experienced many of the joyful extremes of life and am happy at both ends.
     My entertainment tastes run in a similar wide spectrum.  They have to.  Why be boring and shave yourself into a hole, the square peg in a round hole.  Must everyone fit into a certain expectation.  I am really angered by those in the entertainment "tall tower" looking down on those in the "Mariana's Trench" of enjoyment. Why must there be a "highbrow" against a "lowbrow" entertainment.  Afterall, isn't the key word in this entertainment?  Isn't life suppossed to be enjoyed and experienced?  How much of our entertainment likes and dislikes are shaped by what we really enjoy, or by what we are expected to enjoy. Do we not shun away from certain forms of entertainment because we feel they are beneath us and would sully (I like that word "sully") our image that we project to our "highbrow" friends.  Sometimes the reverse is true and we hide the fact that we went to the Philharmonic in a tuxedo from our "beer drinkin' bubba" buddies.  Both sides will miss out on a lot of great life simply because of their mindset.  It is such a pity.
    The opera is one of those entertainments that is considered "high brow".  Many people take a look at it and dismiss it as being just for those who have their noses firmly affixed to the sky.  In many ways, I could agree that this would be a fair observation but not always.  My own opinion of opera was that it wasn't for me.  After being close to an opera production and actually performing in one, I must admit that my opinion is changing.  At the risk of alarming some of my "golfin' buddies" I must admit that I enjoyed the experience.  Speaking of golf, I admit that my love for opera is a bit like many golfer's and their sport.  It's great to play golf, but to watch it on TV, it is a little like watching the grass grow, no literal pun intended.  At a rehearsal one night after hearing how the whole performance came together with the orchestra and knowing I was a part of the whole adventure, I had a new enjoyment of the opera.  I don't think that I would pay to sit in the audience or watch an opera on tv, but it was thrilling to be a part of it.
    At the other end of the spectrum, many of those who have their noses in the sky don't pay attention to other wonderful entertainment choices and drive themselves into walls... hard!  I have one word, I think it is one word, WWE (wrestling).  Oh yaaaa.....
     Last week, myself, my son, my son-in-law and my grandson went to see WWE Raw Wrestling.  OK, I admit it and it will make my Bubba friends proud.  I know that they were worrried about this one, and thought I had gone over to the dark side when I told them I was performing in an opera.  I enjoy wrestling in person.  I don't watch it on TV [I do watch golf on TV].  It is truly an art form, with the wrestlers probably some of the best athletes and actors there are.  The stories that are told with the rivalries between the different wrestlers is truly Shakespearean.  That may not be the best word but you get my point, and I think I scared my Bubba friends again letting them know I know about Shakespear.
     By the way, that was some Aria and did you see that bodyslam...what a move!         

Get Back To Work!

     Well, OK now  I'm back.  I guess its time to start working again.  Actually, that's kind of an oxymoron because I am retired.  By definition, does a retired person work?  I don't know.  That question just came to me and I don't have an answer.
     The proceedure was a success.  I came out of it feeling OK and was released the day after the surgery.  There was very little pain and I really didn't have to use the morphine drip.  I did use it to sleep though and it was welcomed.  I was a bit bothered by the shots in the side of hemparin, a blood thinner and the blood draw to test my blood.  The morphine did not make me "high"  but I did notice that my pain tolerance went way up.  Before surgery, I felt the first injection of hemparin that they gave me by direct injection in my side.  They gave me four more and with each succeeding injection I felt it less and less, not even feeling the last one.  I didn't feel the blood draw at all.  So much for the morphine and boy did I sleep well. 
     At the hospital, they took me in and prepped me for surgery.  I was rolled into the surgery room, the proceedure was done and the next thing I knew I woke up in the recovery room.  One thing bothered me though.  I noticed out of the corner of my mind a guy in this strange outfit.  I could not see his face but he was dressed in this very loosely fitting black robe.  In his hand was this large black scythe.  He turned toward me and I could hear him say, "Nah."  I don't know what that meant.
     I am at home now recovering.  Today is the first day that I really felt good.  I go see the doctor tomorrow to get yelled at for what I should be doing and am not doing.  Wish me luck.  I have one burning question that is knawing at my inner thoughts.  When do I get back to Jocko's for that 19 ounce fillet, I am sick of this liquid diet.

Operation

    Today is the big day.  I know that there have been many big days this past few days, but this is a big one.  I go into the hospital today for my surgery.  Don't worry, I will be fine.  Its not that major.  One thing I will say though is that the procedure is going to be done laproscopically.  Most of you who know me have said many times that I am full of hot air.  Guess what, today I truly will be full of hot air.  Wish me luck, or as they say in the opera world, toi, toi, toi.   

oops !!!

    OOPS!! My finger hit the post button by mistake.  I really had something humorous to say that would give you some great laughs.  Forgive me, I don't have time right now because I have to go to, what else, opera rehearsal.  I promise to continue my thought from today.  I actually have it written down in my notes for tomorrow.  Really, it is right there in my calendar.  I won't forget.
     Now, what was it I was going to say?  Oh yes, I forgot.  Talk to you tomorrow. 

Que fragar, chi chungue.

     I went to see Cowboys and Aliens with my son last night.  I must say that he and I have totally agreed that Olivia Wilde is  hot but that's another story.  As you know, I have retired and am trying out new experiences.  Some of these experienctial choices are hits and some are really huge disasters.  Where my participation in the opera performance of Lucia fits in I don't know yet.  I will share that I know how the cowboys felt dealing with the aliens.  The opera scene is a world that I do not recognize.  This ain't Kansas Toto. 

Retirement (If You Are Young Still Read This)

     Retirement is the pits.  All you do is sit around, watch T.V. and sit on your butt with the occassional round of golf thrown in maybe four times a week.  Its boring.
     Wait a minute....Wait a minute...Lets see. [Went to college for eight years, taught school for 20 years and I still don't know the correct usage of its and it's.  Pray for me, won't you.  It's, or its, truly a shame.] Ummmm.....Yesterday I only sat down and watched T.V. for about 20 minutes.  I only played golf twice in July because I couldn't afford the green fees and  just didn't have time for it in my schedule. 
     It really is hard to fit time into your schedule away from the important things, sitting in front of the T.V. on your butt and doing nothing.  Where do I find the time away to go to opera rehearsal?  I am in the chorus and we will perform Lucia on August 7.  How about the new staff writer position at the new magazine, when do I fit that into my busy schedule of doing nothing?  I can't possibly pry myself away from the couch to volunteer and be very much involved in my church, Oh heavens no! [That was funny.  I didn't realize that play on words until I stopped and looked at the sentence.  Sometimes I amaze myself.]   The grandkids don't need me at their swimming lessons.  I can't go over to their houses for dinner or to watch the kids, and please don't ask to borrow money.  Please don't ask me to get involved in alternative education choices for children and adults, it takes away from my beauty sleep.  Being lazy sure has its [there's that word again] advantages.
    I am going to close my post now, because it is taking me away from cartoons, breakfast with my son and a friend of mine.  Later, I am going to go to a major league baseball game.  I could be watching Barney or playing golf.  Retirement is the pits!  Maybe I'll go back to work to relax so that I can schedule in golf and doing nothing.
Nahhhh........