Is That Really Me?

     There is a mirror in my bedroom and in the morning the first thing that I see is myself in that mirror.  I have recently noticed that my image is sort of like a building in a time lapse movie.  The scary thing is that the time lapse is the building getting bigger, not being torn down. 
     Yes folks, I am gaining weight.  I suppose that I could sit here and whine about it and keep eating the Mother's Taffy Cookies--ten at a time--and eating the Klondike Bars.  What would I do for a Klondike Bar? For those ouside the U.S. that do not know what a Klondike Bare is, it is a square of vanilla ice cream dipped in hard chocolate.  Their advertising tag line, since they are so luscious, is "What would you do for a Klondike Bar?"...I hope someone from Klondike Bars is listening because I hope the would throw some cash my way for the subtle advertising, but that would never happen.
     I have excuses.  I lost 70 pounds last year, but have put 15 back on.  I had surgery, and could not go to the gym, except to do cardio.  I hate cardio.  I couldn't lift weights, small with many reps as I am not a bodybuilder but a golfer.  I couldn't play golf either.  I was cleared to exercise and play golf and then my back went out.  Now, my back is much better and I am going back to the gym this morning.  Don't worry, I'm not going to push it as I know you are all concerned for my safety and health.
    It is time for action.  I have three more Klondike Bars in the freezer and a case of Taffy Cookies.   When those are gone, that's it and no more.  I am on my way to the gym as we speak...technically we are not speaking, I am writing...but I am going.  It is really enjoyable when I think about it.  I promise to cut down and get back to the weight loss.  How many calories in a triple mocha with whipped cream from Starbucks?           
    

I Want To...

     I have noticed that there are many people who are blessing me with following my blog.  I am not going to be humorous abouty this post, I will do that in the morning (Pacific Daylight Time).  What I did want to do is to thank all of you who are reading my blog.

To those here in the United States, I want to say thank you very much and I hope you keep enjoying my wiriting.

To those in Germany, I do speak German.  Vielen Dank, meine Damen und Herren.

To those in Italy, I am half Italiean by the way, I say Ciao and Grazie.

To those in the Arabic countries I say Sukrahn (I probably didn't say that right, but I hope you got the idea.)

To those in Malaysia, Indonesia and Singapore, I say thank you.

To my friends and readers in India, I say...I don't know what I would say in the native languages but I do say thank you very much.

To those in Russia, I say SpasSebo.

To those in Slovakia, I have no idea so I just say thank you.

To those in Australia, G'day Mate and I thank you.

To those Kiwis in New Zealand I say thank you.

To those in Canada, Thank you eh'.  I have been to Canada twice and loved it.  You will be impressed that I know what Loonies and Twonies are and how much they are worth.

I am very grateful that you are reading my blog and I hope that you are enjoyuing it.  For better or for worse, there are more coming and I hope you enjoy them.  I hope that you get a laugh out of them.

Why Didn't I Think Of That?

     As may writer's do, I got up this morning only to stare at a blank screen.  Wanting to write something clever and informative, my brain was completely void of any creative thought.  Thank God for MSN.  It provided the needed inspiration to create something that truly is important to our society and will change the world forever.  I don't know about changing the world forever... you decide. Remember, this blog is interactive and demands your participation. 
     It seems as though, as reported by MSN, that some guy put a mini-cam--do they still use the word mini--on his dog's collar and the video feed is going viral.  By the way, I am impressed with myself that I know the meaning of viral as it relates to the internet.  Up until a few months ago, I thought you took a flu shot for something that was going viral.  As you have probably discovered, my mind goes off on tangents and I guess that this bit on viral is one of those occassions, so I will get back now to my original thought.  This guy that put the camera on his dog's collar is going to make a ton of money off this.  I am not talking about enough money to buy a pizza and a six pack.  We are talking about major money, probably enough to send his six kids to Harvard through their MBA program and still have enough money to buy a small island.  Such a simple idea. 
    I have two dogs.  They stay at the house alone during the day.  I am sure that they get into a lot of trouble and their little "doggie" lives are not boring. When my smallest dog, a chihuahua who thinks he is a dalmation, chases out to bark at the big Siberian Huskie next door, or when he chases our cat it is truly a scream. I could be the one that could be making twice the fortune, and maybe buy a small Caribean island. Why didn't I think of putting a camera on my two dogs.  I could maybe make twice as much.  My kids are grown and I don't have to pay for college, but I do have a couple of weddings to pay for.  That may cost more than Harvard. If I put the cameras on the dog's collars and post their antics on the internet to go viral,
    

Doctor, Doctor, It Hurts When I Do This...

   My back is still hurting.  I am tired of the pain, and visited Theodore the Magnificent yesterday.  Theodore the Magnificent has a great way of healing about him, however the milage on this Chevrolet (me) is great.  Although he pushes and stretches, works the spine and grunts a lot, the back is still hurting.  Even that gift from the ancient aliens, electronic stimulation does not totally ease the pain.  I am better, and each time Theodore the Magnificent lays his healing hands on my back it does get a little better. 
     It just take a bit longer to get well.  Most of the time, my back responds quite nicely to Theodore the Magnificent's valliant efforts.  There are times that it takes several visits to Theodore the Magnificent to heal the problem.  It has been a very long time since my back has acted up this way, and I knew that it would come. When it gets this bad, I have to supplement with blessed potions to supplement Theodore the Magnificent's wonderful intervention with the pharmaceutical of the gods, ibuprophen.  Don't worry, I can take it with the blessings of Theodore the Magnificent. 
    I plan to take it easy today.  You all know that this may be hard for me, as I have a very full day planned and tomorrow I am going to play golf in Monterey.  Can you overdose on ibuprophen?  I guess I will have to do the muscle stretches that Theodore the Magnificent suggested as his ritual to appease the gods of the spine (Again, I know there are no gods of healing. This is a disclaimer.).  I wish that the pain would finally go away.  It will, but I only hope that it is soon.
     Doctor, Doctor... It hurts when I do this....
     Don't do that.



   

Seeing the World Clearly

     Many times I have endeavored to answer the questions of the ages.  Today has brought to light one of those questions.  Ponder this one, because it truly is something that requires extremely deep thought.  I am not going to write much about the question, I want this blog to be as interactive as possible.  Put on your thinking caps...do they use that term in Germany or Russia?...and ponder this.
     I wear glasses because my vision is deteriorating with age.  If my glasses remain on my nose and face where they are supposed to stay, and I am not touching them or have not touched them, why is it they smudge in the middle constantly?  Think about that for awhile....

The "Back" Is Not Back

     The body is a marvelous invention.  When it works correctly it is a thing of beauty.  All parts work in unison to keep us functioning and healthy. Such is the case with the back and the mechanisms of the spine. It is not supposed to hurt.
     My back hurts.  It has been hurting now for at least three weeks.  I thought that it was getting better, and I did start feeling better but the back gods got angry with me last Friday for playing golf.  I think I am serving pennance.  The golf gods were pleased with my swing as I shot better than I expected, but today my back is killing me.  Just think of the titanic battle between the two houses of the devine, sort of like Olympus taking on Valhalla.  (I am speaking metaphorically of course.  There are no back gods or golf gods. Just a bit of a disclaimer there.) 
     Today, I must visit the adjustor who will make all things painful right. Theodore the Magnificent will manipulate the working parts of my spine and all will be in balance again, or at least I would hope so. I will have to pay tribute to Theodore the Magnificent in the form of an offering, also known as a co-pay.  This is so little in order to get right and be freed of pain.
    To sum all this up, my back hurts and I am going to the chiropractor to get it adjusted so it won't hurt anymore.  Why didn't I just say that in the first place.  Why did I go through three paragraphs of crap just to say that?  Art.....

Not This Time: Laughs on Hold

     My prayers go out to the victims of the earthquake in Turkey.  Living here in California we live with the idea of The Big One" every day. There are many natural disaster in which you can prepare for, or at least evacuate but an earthquake is something that you can't predict.  It just happens and destroys.  Pray for those victims in Turkey and know in life that anything can happen. 

What Day Is It?

     I have to go to work today.  I think. what day is it anyway?  Now that I have retired, days just seem to flow together.  I know that it would be worse if I was just sitting on my keyster watching T.V., as my beloved ex-wife seems to think I am doing.  However, as most retirees know, I am busier now and don't have a set schedule. My eight to five job is no longer eight to five, which really isn't a bad thing just different.  I do like it.
     Let's see if we can track today down.  Sunday I go to church, but last Sunday I didn't because I had to...notice I said had to...cover a local airshow and had to be there all day.  It was tough, but somebody had to do it.  That threw Monday into a dither because I rested so it felt like Sunday.  Tuesday brought a busy day, so it felt like Monday.  Wednesday I took care of my grandkids, whom I normally see on Friday.  Since I was with my grandkids, I couldn't go to my writer's group. 
     Thursday, I did very little and stayed home.  Was it Sunday?  No, Its Thursday and I sort of knew this because Thursday is trash day and there were trash cans out on the street.  Not mine though, because I thought it was...well I don't know.  Friday saw me playing golf, with a bad back by the way.  No, I didn't end up in the hospital. 
    Yesterday, my son and I went out of town.  That messed up everything.  I think today is Sunday, but the only way I will know for sure is if I go to church this morning and there is choir practice.  If there isn't, wow that will really throw me off for what I think is next week.  All this and I have to go to work this afternoon. 
   I think I know how to remedy this.  How about looking at my calendar.  Just a second, let me look at it to make sure what day it is.  Wait a minute, something's not right.  That's August.      

Stupid Things I Have Done (Or About To Do)

     I have done a lot of stupid things in my life.  We all have.  In my last post, I talked about how getting older and more experienced requires a good amount of courage and wisdom.  I ask you this question.  Is doing the wise thing always the fun thing to do? 
     Today, I have decided to suspend wisdom.  My back is hurting.  I haven't played golf in a long time due to my recent surgery and my back went out a couple of weeks ago.  I have been cleared to play from my surgery and I want to play NOW!  I am going to play today, even though my back is bothering me.  I have been good by icing it down and being wise about what I do, until today.  Stupidity is going to rule the day today.  I am going to play golf even though my back isn't 100%. 
     My decision has been made.  Stupidity will rule the day.  Come visit me in the hospital.    

Ouch!!!

     It takes a special courage to get old.  Now, I know that some of you will say that considering the alternative, getting old is appealing.  It still takes an enormous amount of courage.  Many times I have heard the saying "If I only knew then what I know now" speaking about wisdom, well what about health?  Can we turn this around by saying "If I only felt now like I felt then"?  Those little aches and pains that we dismissed as just an annoyance in our younger years didn't slow us down.  Those same little aches and pains are not so little anymore.  We "soldier" on in our daily lives as best we can, but it hurts!
    Two weeks ago I threw my back out, how I don't know.  Normally one or two trips to the chiropractor, 800 milligrams of Ibuprophen and icepacks fix me right up in a day or two.  Even the ultrasonic therapy and the electronic stimulation has failed. How am I going to play golf tomorrow?  I haven't played golf for two months and I am going stir crazy.  I had surgery on my stomach in August which my doctor would not let me play so as not to injure the repairs to my stomach.  Oh the misery of it all.  Courage, my son...   

There Is Nothing Like The Smell Of Starbucks In The Morning

     Robert Duval said in Apocalypse Now, "There is nothing like the smell of napalm in the morning."  OK, I admit I like the smell of JP-5 jetfuel as it is being burned in a jet engine but I want to get away from my warlike roots and take a bit more peaceful direction to that thought.  Its morning here in wonderful Central California and I have not been awake for very long.  Enough with this creative drivel, I need my coffee!
     I planned this post to be a lot longer than this, but it is off to Starbuck's to sip the nectar of the gods.  I can smell it form here, literally a mile away from my nearest Starbuck's.  By the way, who would have thought that I would be paying $1.65 for a stupid cup of coffee.  I guess my answer would be oh well, they got me.   

Hey Dave...What Are You Going to do Now That You Retired?

     I tell you one thing I'm not going to do.  I'm not going to Disneyland, can't afford it and the Disney Corporation isn't going to pay for the trip because I didn't win the Superbowl.  In fact, I just broke my cereal bowl but that's another story.  What a shame too, I really love Cocoa Puffs.
     What am I doing since I retired?  Let's see....I am involved in Private Affadavit Schooling through an organization called CTE under the Perkins Act.  What about the stories I am writing for West Coast Golfer.  That doesn't count right now because of the surgery I had in August so I can't play golf. This will start again within a couple of weeks when I am returned to playing golf.
     Speaking of writing, We just put Central California's Family First Magazine to bed.  I am excited about this because of the opportunities and the fact that I am involved in something from the beginning that is on a fast track to success.  As many of my friends know, I did retire to pursue my writing career. One step has led to another and I am being paid for my writing.  I haven't seen a check yet because the first issue of the magazine comes out on November 1, but it is coming.  This will not make me rich but it is a start.  It is a large board in my writing platform.
     If you were to ask me my favorite part of retirement, the answer would be very simple.  I am a father to my kids, finally, and a grandfather to my 31/2-- soon to be 4--grandsons.  The stories I could tell and the fulfillment of having a loving relationship with my kids and grandkids is wonderful.  The closeness I feel in our relationship is something that I never imagined.
     There are other things that I am doing to give back to the community.  My church is important as well as making that occassional peanut and butter sandwich for the homeless people who dive in our trashcans looking for recycleables for cash.  It seems as though I have nothing to do and I am sitting at home in front of my couch playing video games or watching TV.  With appologies to "The Stadler Brothers" singing group, here's what my day is like.  "Watching flowers on the wall, that don't bother me at all.  Playing solitaire till dawn, with a deck of 51.  Smoking cigarettes," ...  OK, I don't smoke cigarettes, just the occassional cigar.  This was an old song that was not polically correct, but I will carry on here with the lyrics... "And watching Captain Kangaroo,"...Captain Kangaroo is no longer on television.  I do watch a lot of the History Channel..."Now don't tell me, I've nothing to do."
     I've been accused of doing nothing in my retirement and sitting on my butt doing nothing but watch TV and play golf.  NOT!    

Changes

     I am not a person that does well with change.  There are things in my life that are having monumental consequences, good and bad, in my life.  Its not an issue of life or death, it is one of grow for the positive or stay where you are.  Choices need to be made, choices that will improve my life for the better.  That still does not take the pain away.  I know that I founded this blog to express my humor and make people laugh, but sometimes circumstances require a practical outlook, instead of a good laugh.  Make a decision on what is practical and a right decision based on what is good for me and laugh about it later.  I hate growing up.