60 Today?

     Yep, its my birthday today.  There is something about those birthdays that have either a zero in them or a five. When you think about it, there is really no difference in a birthday that ends in zero or five than say a three or a seven, but that's just it. Something that is a multiple of ten or a multiple of five just seems different. A birthday with a nine as the last digit can be scary, but we won't talk about that. The bottom line is, today I turn sixty years old.
     A lot has happened in my life in the past sixty years.  These are not in the order of importance as I don't believe in lists. I learned to play golf. What about the fact that I got married, unmarried and married again. The married part was expected, but the unmarried part was a bit of a shock--oh well. And then came the married again part, which I am very happy to have found love again, thanks Denise. Life take some unexpected turns, but in my case it was for the best.
     I have been blessed with five wonderful children. We had some magnificent times with them growing up.  I remember the golf outings, the graduations, the births of the four grandchildren, the soccer games and of course the camping trips. Ah yes, forbidden cookies and milk in front of a campfire.  What I remember most is the looks on the faces of the wives of the campers in the next campsite who would see that I was taking my kids and their friends on a camping trip and my wife was nowhere to be found.  In defense of J...., she did go on some of those camping trips but most of the time it was me and the kids. One last word on the camping trips, I hate tents now. My idea of roughing it is a Motel 6--not to insult Motel 6.
     Funny thing though, I don't feel much different. Well, maybe there is that new pain in my shoulder and my hands ache a little more than they used to but all in all things are OK. I survived the congestive heart failure and yes, I do put a few more little colored round things in my mouth to keep me alive.  That's to be expected. I won't even mention the clunky old man shoes that I wear. Why do they cost so much, by the way?
     Like a fine wine, I'm not getting older I'm aging. With age comes character. With that said, I don't feel a day over fifty-nine. Oh, that's right.  Its my birthday and I turned sixty today.  Maybe I am a day over fifty-nine.

Denise wanted to put me into one of these.  She complains that I am just a big kid. Do they make them for 60 year olds?

 
     
        
 

Yep, This Is What 5:00 AM (PDT) Looks Like

     Is the sun even up yet? Why am I even up right now? Oh yes, I can't get anything done after 8:00 because I am too easily distracted. It's a matter of productivity and distractions. The house is quiet right now and everyone is sleeping. Just a minute, I have to go make coffee.
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     OK, I'm back.  Life is full of distractions which take us away from what we are doing.  Hold on a minute, nature calls.
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     It seems as though if I don't get things done before everyone is up and the day gets going, I will not get anything done.  Yes I do have my office and can close the door for my privacy, but something always seems to get my attention and I stop.  Once I stop, it is almost impossible to get started again. Wait a minute, the phone just rang.  Who the heck would call me at 6:00 AM (PDT)?
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     I'll be right back, the coffee is ready.  I don't like stale coffee.
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     There, that's better.  You know how I can't function without my coffee. Who would call me at 6:00AM (PDT)?  It was a friend that wanted to know if I would like to play golf today at 8:00 AM (PDT).  There is no way!  I have work to do.  See what I am saying.  If I don't get the work done now, I won't get it done. This coffee is great by the way.
    Denise want me to shed some pounds.  Maybe I should go ahead and do my crunches and stretching routine, maybe go for my
walk right now so I don't forget. Excuse me, I'll be right back.
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     Oh well, why fight it.  I've got to run now if I am going to shower, get dressed, have breakfast and be at the golf course by 8:00 AM (PDT).  

What a course!  I am retired now, you know.

Change The Change...Part 2 (And Last Part)

     Sorry I didn't finish this yesterday, but I got distracted.  There is just something about "The Showcase Round" on "The Price Is Right" that fascinates me. It seems as though the world stops at about 10:50 AM Pacific Daylight Time and that is the all important "Showcase".  Ah, the duties of retirement.
     Continuing on with the journey to turn my loose change into worthless paper, I decided to return to the Credit Union to change my change. That machine in there would not beat me, I was determined to conquer it. After all, it was just a machine and I was a human being with a superior intellect.  We humans created it, they didn't create me. Into the branch I went, and there it was.
     As I walked into the branch, the teller greeted me. " Oh, I can see you are back again, good morning."  she said cheerily.
     "Yep, I thought I would get this done."  I replied.
     "Just let me know when you are done and I will be glad to help." she said.  Now it was on to the task at hand.
     I walked up to the machine as if I owned it. If you show any fear, it will sense that. I growled at it just to show it who was boss. OK, now what do I do?  If at all else fails, check the directions. This was NOT going to beat me. Here were the directions:
1. Read and follow all directions carefully as skipping a step or not completing it accurately will result in your transaction being voided.
2.) Open the lid tab A.
3.) Pour your loose change in and the green light will flash. Press start.
4.) Raise your arms above your shoulders and then flap them like an eagle.
5.) With your arms raised and flapping like an eagle, step back 36 inches from the unit and begin rotating your body at a rate of ten revolutions a minute. Complete at least three revolutions.  Rate is critical.
6.) While rotating, sing "The Stars Spangled Banner".  In Canada it is permissible to sing "Oh Canada", eh.
7.) Look at yourself in the reflective plate and agree that you look absolutely ridiculous. You do.
8.) OK, I've had enough fun now. Take the ticket that shows the amount you have redeemed.  Give the ticket to the teller and they will redeem the ticket.
9.) Thank you.
     I went through the steps meticulously, although I was a little off key on "The Stars Spangled Banner".  Taking the ticket I went to the teller who was laughing hysterically.  Maybe it was time to lick my wounds, take the money and just run. This machine thing must be a conspiracy.

    

They tried to come take me away after turning in my change, but I wouldn't let them.

        

Change The Change...Part 1

     We have in our bedroom a vase that we put our loose change in.  Whenever we are really poor that's our go-to place for chump change, or to save us from the wolves that come to our door occasionally. Today I got bored and decided to cash the change in, as the vase had quite a bit of change in it.  That wolf hanging around our door looked awful hungry.
     A bank is a wonderful thing.  Actually, in this case it was a my Credit
Union.  They take my loose change and give me cash.  Normally this is not a difficult process.  I just take the loose change to the Credit Union--it doesn't have to be rolled anymore--take it to the teller and they find out how much I have collected.  They then give me the amount in worthless paper dollar bills. Now I can spend it and I feel like I am rich. Hey, this is fun!
    Last night I went into the Credit Union at 4:05 PDT and tried to convert my coins. As usual, I walked up to the teller and asked that the dastardly deed be done. I love personalized customer service. Nope, that wasn't going to happen today.  It seems that they no longer do change at the teller.  I have to use the self-service machine just inside the door.  Oh, by the way it closed--the machine that is--at 4:00 PDT. I had missed it.  You know how I am with machines.  I covered that a few blogs ago. Not only did I miss the cutoff for changing the change, but I had to deal with a machine, and tomorrow morning at that. What was the machine going to do, go home for a wonderful dinner of WD-40 and chips? NUTS, I hate machines!

This is the automatic change maker.  How it counts the change, I don't know. I hate machines!

        

I Feel Secure Now

     "Your computer may be at risk."  That was the message that came up on my computer screen. It seems as though my anti-virus protection program needed to be upgraded. This is something that is very important to the integrity of my computer so I thought that might want to address the situation.  At this point, I was kind of tired of the "Hi guy.  Do you want to come and party with me?" pop up coming up all the time so it definitely was time to do something about my anti-virus protection.  The girl in the ad was very pretty and wow, what a body! Sorry though, I wouldn't go there because I am very happily married.
     I accessed the anti-virus site and tried to download the upgrade. One thing you must understand about me.  Technically, I fall under the "challenged" umbrella. After all, I am a man of letters, not of science. I do well with words, not of gadgets.  The computer, if you boil it all down is a gadget.  Each gadget is installed at the factory with an anti-Dave program which when the gadget knows I am tinkering with it, it goes crazy--the gadget that is. I have adjusted to the world knowing that and live my life accordingly. In most cases, I know the concept of how something works--like a car--but then that anti-Dave program kicks in. This whole techno-challeged situation is a subject I may or may not cover in a future blog, but for today I will stay on the subject.  I know you are thinking that is impossible, but I will try.
     I just couldn't get the program to download.  In desperation, I went to the help line and started a chat.  I explained my situation to the technician and he was happy to help me out.  His name was Garpreet.
     It was obvious that Garpreet was not located in the United States.  I asked if he was in the Phillippines, but he told me he was in Goshbandi, Pakistan. Hmmm...that got me to thinking. I am talking to someone about internet security and they are in Pakistan.  What do I know about Pakistan?***
     I began to wonder to myself, is this such a good idea? Then I began to weigh my options. Was it worth getting rid of the good looking girl with the great figure?  Heck yes it was.  I don't want to get in trouble for something I didn't do, or in this case download.  So it was a green light with Garpreet.  Besides, if he wanted to hack my bank account, he was welcome to the -$1500 balance in my bank account. Discretion is the better part of valor.  What that saying has to do with this, I don't know but I do like the saying.
     Garpreet said that he could download the program remotely from his location, but I would have to temporarily turn over my computer to him.  Go for it! 
     In order for him to take over my computer temporarily he asked me for my pin number. I didn't know that somebody had pinned a pin on me.  Yes, I realize I have a pin for just about everything in my life and it is XXXX, but I didn't know I had one for this site. I have had many labels pinned on me before such as ... or ... , but never on this site.  So, we went though the process of setting a pin. That number would join the countless other numbers I have forgotten in my head to get into sites I had long since forgotten.
     The next thing after I put in my newly minted pin number which my sixty year old brain would soon forget was Garpreet said that he was now taking over my computer. Was that such a good thing?  I don't know, but at this point I was desperate.  He chatted back, "Don't worry, I have your computer now and everything is totally secure.  Once I am finished, your site will be secure and updated."  OK, let me see.  What do I really know about Pakistan?
     The cursor came alive.  For those of you that are old enough to remember the old "The Outer Limits" television series, not the one on SyFy channel, I'm talking about the original, it was just like that.  I thought that I was caught in an episode of  "The Outer Limits".  Remember the beginning how the introduction went?
The "Control Voice" would say, "There is nothing wrong with your television set.  We are controlling the transmission."  That's how I felt as the cursor started to dance.
     Screens came on and off with all kinds of information, which I couldn't understand.  I didn't know if it was English, Pakistani or Martian. Finally, the cursor stopped it unstable dance. Garpreet came on and told me that everything was completed and the update installed. I had to take his word for it, but it seemed that he was right.  I chatted a bit more about where he lives and a few other things and then we told each other in true California fashion to have a nice day.
     Yes, Garpreet helped me out of my predicament.  I have a computer system that is safe and secure.  He told me that.  I only have one question.  How did the charges for a flight from Goshbandi, Pakistan to Las Vegas, Nevada and the luxury suite at the Luxor get on my debit card?  What do I know about Pakistan?

How pretty, dolphins and the Pacific Ocean behind it. Don't ask me how this picture goes with internet security. I just needed a pretty picture.

        

Who Broke In Last Night?

     I would like to catch the person who broke in our house last night.  They didn't get anything, but they did play a childish prank.  The took all the clocks in the house and set them all forward one hour.  In essence you could say that they were thieves because they stole that hour. 
     I guess that I should be thankful they didn't steal anything else but the hour.  They could have stolen the 1903 Chickoring Grand Piano now in the living room, but they didn't. My wife would have liked them to take my "Band of Brothers" CD's that I watch constantly, but they didn't.  All they got away with was that hour.
     Every clock in the house was set forward an hour.  Our phones were even changed one hour ahead. What is this? Are we

I have no comment.  Someone took an hour of sleep away from me and I haven't had my coffee yet.

in a new episode of The Twilight Zone?

Pot Roast?

     When I went to the suggestions guru about how to get more hits for my blogs and said to use more colorful tag and key words in my blog titles.  He said that there are certain words that the search engines are looking for depending on the subject.  When I racked my brain, and with my brain that certainly is a challenge, to find a title for this post I thought I would try the strategy.  I came up with the word pot. I don't smoke pot, I want you to know that from the start, and I do hate pot roast.
      Some people like pot roast.  More power to those people.  The Donner party liked eating their shoes--among other things which have yet to be proven--but they had to eat shoe leather because that is all they had.  Eating pot roast is a choice.
     Whatever you do to a pot roast, you are still eating a pot roast.  Most pot roasts are from the chuck part of the cow.  Except for the round steak--which incidentally you can make chicken fried steak which I love depending on how much country gravy you put on it, yum--the chuck is the toughest part of the poor cow. Let's see--why don't we put a brick in to cook for about five days and see if it will tender up. We can put in some onion soup and some potatoes. Don't forget the carrots!
     Is it tender yet? Nope, still tough as leather. Maybe we didn't leave it in long enough. Let's turn down the heat and slow cook it for another couple of days. How about some more carrots and maybe a bit of red wine. What does that do to it?
     I do like shredded beef in my tacos and enchiladas. Basically, they take a chuck roast and cook the ever loving hell out of it. After a month of cooking in spices, it just falls apart. It tears apart actually and you put in in the taco or enchilada. I guess if it is Mexican, I will eat it.  Just don't call it pot roast.
     Let's check on how our pot roast is doing.  It has been cooking now for ten days now so let's see how it is.  It's pot roast, that's how it is and it is not tender. YUCK! Pot roast.

Filet Mignon is not Pot Roast.  I like Filet Mignon!

  

Today's Topic Is...

     Have I got your attention?  I thought I wouldn't say what today's topic was because I wanted to use a literary device called suspense.  In essence, it is my hope that I will keep you on the edge of your seat while you are guessing what I am going to come up with and write about.
     There are so many things that I can write about today.  I have an extensive list built up in my phone and when an idea pops into my head, I make sure that I write it down so that I can expand upon the idea in some later blog. That list grows by the minute and includes such ideas as the clunky old man shoes that I just bought. They look terrible, but at least they fit.  Make sure you look for this post about my shoes and what I have to say, I think you may enjoy it.  However, you will just have to wait.
     Life outside my office window is rich and full.  I get many ideas from living my life and just being observant of the world around me. It is the fuel that fires the creativity in my mind. Sometimes just one little word strategically placed in my ear, or something that I am to do or doing on the computer will get me started.
     There is a lot to this writing thing.  Many times I have explained it to people and they still don't get it.  It is hard work and work that is not just for anyone.  Coming up with a topic to write about is tough. And then, once you have a topic you have to be brilliant as to what you say.  If you think it is easy, you try it sometime.
     Enough suspense, today's topic is--excuse me, the phone just rang.

Listening to a Mariach Band on Catalina Island. What does that have to do with today's post and subject?  Absolutely nothing. 

Roosevelt High School Shy Guy

     The other day my thoughts turned to my younger days, especially my High School years some forty more years ago. These were some of the best years of my life, but they were also some of the most painful. For me, this was a time of great learning, about myself and the world around me.  One thing I knew for sure, I was no ladies man.
     It wasn't that I wasn't unfriendly, far from that.  I could talk and joke with anyone, male or female. For me, that wasn't the problem.What I was afraid of was the social aspect of it all and a small little word, NO! That's a powerful little word which really can limit your world and the enjoyment of the wonderful world out there.  Sometimes that no was only in my mind.
     I was terribly afraid of that little no.  It also needs to be said that we are not talking about lifetime commitments to marriage and children, far from that. What I am talking about is maybe a movie, a date to the dance or possibly even a football game.  Hell, even a short conversation in the lunchroom would be nice.  There was no way that was going to happen, or so I thought. Why bother even talking to her, she is just going to say no. Fear would always cause me to strike out I guess, so why even try.
     I first met Rhonda in Mr. Doyle's seventh grade English class. A stroke of fate, call it luck I guess, saw us being educated together all through high school graduation. OK, I will just come out and say it. (I know you are reading this Rhonda, but just bear with me. Remember, this was many years ago and we have both been living very full and adventurous lives. We have matured, I think. If I offend you with this, I will apologize now.  Please remember that these were the thoughts of a young high school male.) Rhonda was, well--hot.
     When I rack my brain to find words to describe Rhonda as I saw her at the time, one word comes to mind--inaccessible, at least to me. She was "popular" and WAY out of my league. I was not.  What would this beautiful young lady want with a little worm like me. I honestly don't know what Rhonda thought of me at the time.  She probably never even noticed that I was there, but that's not the point. My perception was that I didn't even exist in her mind or that I was just, "That nice guy Dave. He's nice, but he is just a twit." None of this probably even crossed her mind, and that's not her problem.
     Rhonda wasn't the only one.  In fact, there were many more, some of which I though that I did have a chance to ask out on an actual date but never asked. Again, I'm not talking about getting married and having our kids--just a football game or an Emerson, Lake and Palmer concert.  Was that too much to ask?  Well, maybe the Emerson, Lake and Palmer concert might have been a step too far, but come on. Honestly, I'm not angry at them, I'm angry at myself.  But then I think back and remember that I really wasn't ready to date, or even talk to a girl. I was scared, scared of that little word.
     I did find love, though.  Unfortunately after thirty-three years she intentionally lost me.  But God is good and I found love again even stronger this second time around in Denise and we are very happily married.  Every now and then my mind drifts back to those high school years more than forty years ago with a certain degree of fondness. Rhonda, I wish you well and thanks

No, That's not Rhonda

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I'm Getting Too Old For This

     It has been said that enthusiasm is lost on the youth.  I didn't make that up, but there is a lot of truth in that statement.  Things that you would do in your youth are not as do-able as they were back when you were twenty.  Yesterday was no exception.
     The day started normal enough, me sitting down at the computer in order to get the day's blog out.  It was a good one too, the blog that is.  The rain fell heavily outside.  I still can't find the guy who turns the light in the garage on and offwatch The Military Channel on occasion.
. I poured myself a coup of coffee and went to work.  Denise had some things she had to do, so she left. If you have a tendency to worry--don't.  She came back later.  She loves me you know.  I know this because she lets me
     The afternoon saw us traveling down Highway 99 South in the direction of Fresno.  I used to live in Fresno, I think. I just had a senior moment. Anyway, we had to go to Fresno to take care of some errands for Denise's sons.  We exiled them to Fresno.  Sometimes I am not sure that was such a good idea but oh well. We had to do banking and buy groceries with them. Later, we picked up my son and went to dinner. To this point, our actions were very conservative and we got the tasks done without incident.
     At this point, in order to set the tone, I think I need to tell this story. Bare with me for a minute because this may take a while.   Here goes.
     As a kid I used to go to the local municipal swimming pool during the summer.  The pool was near the  golf course, so I would play golf all morning and swim in the afternoon. Gone from the house at 6:00 A.M. and not back until about 7:00 that evening.  This happened almost every  day during the summer, unless I was in summer school during the morning.  I would still wind up at the pool in the afternoon.  Wait a minute, that sounds kind of fishy. I was gone almost all day.  My sister wasn't. Were my parents trying to convey a sinister message to me? What was the number to my shrink?  I think I just had a breakthrough. 
     Anyway, back to the story.  When I was younger, I loved to jump off the fifteen foot high dive at the pool.  It didn't matter, feet first, head first, or bellyflop. I was indestructible. I loved it! I would climb up the ladder to the top and just jump.  There was no fear.
     My how things change when you get old. We took my kids, the five pre-Denise kids way before Denise even came into the picture and we will just leave it at that, to that same pool.  Not much had changed.  My oldest daughter was about twelve at the time and really loved to swim.  She wouldn't go off that high dive though.  As much as I told her how much fun it was when I was younger to dive off that high dive, she wouldn't go.  That led to the fatal error.  I told her if she went off the high dive first, I would go after her.
That comment I would live to regret for a very long time. It really seemed like a good idea at the time.  She agreed to take the plunge.
     Now what, it was my turn. No problem, I thought.to myself.  I have done this a thousand times, forgetting I was about eighty pounds lighter a a whole lot younger and more fearless. Up the ladder I climbed. I can do this...no you can't.  My self preservation mode started kicking in. I fought it like a trooper, and gingerly walked to the end of the diving board.  This was a lot higher than it used to be. Jump!...NO!
     The question was pride or preservation.  Preservation won out.  I walked backward off the diving board and down the ladder, very much aware that there were many eyes fixed upon my cowardly self. Forget them, I wasn't going to kill myself. Alas, I was getting too old.  My self conscious mind had made a choice for me.  I froze at the top of the high dive.
     Last night we jumped off that high dive in a blaze of glory! Denise had a moment of  insanity and strongly suggested we have some fun and go up to the casino at Chukchansi. Being a good husband I said "Yes dear, let's go".
      I must admit that I had fun.  However, my body doesn't like staying up until 4:00 in the morning. Today I am paying the price. I hurt! Oh to be young and foolish again.  I did have my coffee though.
     

No way, Jack!  That waters is cold.