The Golf Course Travel Bag: Riverside In The Heat

Revenge Of The Machines

     So, I got my computer fixed.  It just doesn't end there though.  My computer is working fine and
doing exactly what I want it to do, but I think it kind of resented the fact that I got it fixed and can no longer cause me a great amount of frustration.  Machines talk to one another, and I think that they hold grudges, especially when we humans want to wrest control back from their dominance.  Such is the case with my car.
     Do you know how many computer components are on a car.  Yes, my car was manufactured--not made by the way because when you make something there is the possibility that you also install a personality or some form of intelligence--in 2004.  I realize that is old and the electronics on it are not as advanced as a car that is built--again built, not made--in 2015. But, like a grandson sitting at the knee of their grandfather they still talk to one another. They share stories and especially share conspiracies, especially on  how to drive humans crazy.
     Someone who is as techno-challenged as I am has no chance. We frustrate easily and machines know this.  Yes, I did have my computer fixed but it talked to my car. As a form of revenge it ordered my car to go on the fritz. You got to love the communication and networking.
     I put a lot of loving kindness in my car.  I give it baths and watch it's fluid levels.  Occasionally I even feed it high octane fuel.  Do you blame me for reacting the way I am. My frustration level is very high at this point. The options I have open to me are very narrow. I have to take it to a car doctor and have a machine tell the doctor what is wrong with it.
     The services that the doctor is going to perform on my car are pretty expensive and I am still at the mercy of another machine that diagnoses what is wrong. Once again and I can't say this strongly enough, it is a wicked conspiracy.  Think about it for a minute, how do I know that the diagnostic machine is telling the truth or just pulling my chain? What other machine is going to cause me a great amount of frustration after I get my car fixed?  All of this kind of makes you think, doesn't it?
     Maybe not.

Not my car anymore. I really miss that car.

OUCH!

     I think every muscle in my body is sore right now. Why you may ask, or your may not ask. You may not care and that's all right too. The fact that my muscles are sore is not something that will not bring the world as we know it to an end. It feels like it right now from my perspective, but from a more worldly perspective it just isn't that important.  I understand that and accept that fact. It still doesn't change that I am sore all over.
     My clothes have been a little bit tight on me of recent so I decided to get on a scale to see just how much I weigh.  That figure is none of your beeswax and I won't reveal that number to the general public.  That is a secret, sort of like Caitlyn Jenner's measurements so I won't give those numbers--my weight that is. What I will tell you is that the number--my weight--has climbed just a bit. Yes, I have gained a little weight.
      I decided it was time to do something about it, and that was return to what I was doing when I lost so much weight the last time I tried a few years ago and lost seventy pounds. I needed to limit my portion sizes, eat more health things, limit my sugar intake to almost nothing and most importantly go back to the gym and work out. One thing I wasn't going to do though was get another divorce. That was totally out of the question and I want to reassure Denise that was not an option. Tonight I may be sleeping in the doghouse for saying that, but oh well and by the way, we don't have a doghouse or a dog.
     Monday, I went back to the gym for the first time in about a month and a half.  It felt wonderful. I do miss the sauna and jacuzzi that was in the gyms that I worked out in before. That's a bit off the subject so that is all I will mention of that. It was a reward that I gave myself to spend some time after a workout to soothe those tired muscles. OK, I will move on and get to the point.  I promise. Yes, I was sore on Tuesday but I returned to the gym on Wednesday and had a very good workout.
     It was a very hot day Thursday.  The mercury soared into the low 100's.  Denise went to a baseball game in San Francisco so naturally I had to play golf.  I would drink a lot of water so as to not dehydrate and all was great with the world.  I was a little sore from the workout the day before but played well and shot a 92, which is good for me since I only play golf once every three months now.
     Last night, I plopped myself into bed extremely exhausted but totally happy. Immediately I fell into a deep and satisfying sleep. About an hour and a half into that deep slumber, I was rudely awakened by severe pain in my right leg. It was a muscle cramp and a bad one at that. I managed to get up and walk it off with the pain going away after a few excruciating moments. This one hurt!
     I managed to go back to bed and fell asleep again.  The rest of the night was fairly uneventful and I woke up earlier this morning to a very sore body. No, I don't always walk like a gorilla.

I didn't get to play here yesterday.

       
   
     

It's A Computer Conspiracy--Part III

     I have to announce that there is good news.  After many days of fighting a battle with this electronic tool, I have finally got it fixed.  My computer expert did a wonderful job of diagnosing and fixing the problem.  I cannot thank him enough.  I am back in business and my computer is running as good as new. The conspirators have been defeated and dealt with.

Well done, O techno guru.  You are the greatest!

Hair Washing and Pollution--Really?

     In this world we have to be very careful in preserving our environment.  Especially here in California where we are having to live under the worst drought conditions ever recorded in weather keeping history.  Our goal should be to protect our water supply. What we do have cannot be polluted, especially by dumping raw sewage into the American River by certain Norther California municipalities who shall remain nameless.  Sometimes I have to restrain from political comment because this blog is meant to entertain and bring a few laughs. It is not intended to comment on politics, so we will leave it at that.
     Here it is folks, I'm going to give it to you between both eyes. Well, maybe I shouldn't have put it that way. You may have taken that comment the wrong way, given the amount of gun violence we have in our country today.  I want to make it clear to you that I don't own a gun.  My daughter does, but I don't. I can't pass the background check having spent some time in a mental institution back in 1996. I am non-violent, I can assure you. What does this have to do with water pollution? OK, I'll get back to what I was going to say.
     How many of you have seen the commercial for a shampoo product where there is a woman taking a bath in a jungle mountain pool underneath a pristine waterfall and she is washing her hair with a commercial shampoo? Admit it, you have seen it. It is done in good taste. It seems as though she is a Mayan or some other jungle tribe, which is of no consequence. What is important here is that she is rinsing her hair in that pure mountain water. What about the people living downstream from where she is washing her hair. They are having to drink water that has been contaminated by the shampoo she was using.  I don't know about you, but I hate to drink water that tastes like shampoo.  Where are the environmentalists on this one? Where is the outrage?

     Please respect my right to drink clean, unpolluted water. DON'T take a bath or wash your hair with a commercial shampoo upstream of where I get my drinking water.  I can take cherry flavored water, but shampoo flavored water just doesn't taste that good.

Sorry, I'm horsing around again. They wash him with recycled water, by the way and no shampoo. 

No Joke--Literally

     I am very much aware of my job. That job is to bring a hearty laugh and a different perspective of the world around us to you my readers. Many have commented that I see the world through slightly skewed eyes. My observations are a bit different, to say the least and I hope that I have made you think a bit and perhaps chuckle. Today is a little different. I have nothing to share with you.
      My world of late has been pretty dull. Sometimes you look and do not find.  Such is the case with me and what is happening. It has been a busy few weeks and the events of the past few weeks have taken me away from my desire to write. That is sad, I know but it is true.
     I am afraid I have nothing witty to share with you today. Let me assure you that this is a very temporary state in which I have come into because my mind has been racing and my wife is about ready to throw me out of the house for some of the bad jokes that I have come up with recently. Please stay with me and experience this drought of humor with me.  I need the company.  By the way, maybe it is the lack of water here in California that is contributing to my drought of ideas. It could just be the debate over water or High Speed Rail here in California that is syphoning off my enthusiasm. Ooops, I am not going to turn this into a political column but I just couldn't resist.
     My advice is hang in there.  My mind can't be held in bondage for too much longer.

Blame Canada!

Father's Day 2015

     I am not going to post much today as it is Sunday and Father's Day 2015.  Thanks Dad, I know you have passed away but I thank you for all that you gave me. Just like the Harry Chapin song Cats In The Cradle, I have grown up a lot like you.
     For all you fathers, I give you this. I hope that you enjoy it. It is the video of Trump National. Click on it and enjoy!
https://youtu.be/sY5i6cytoqM

The waterfall behind the 17th hole at Trump National Los Angeles.

Its A Conspiracy--Part 2

     It is a conspiracy.  I get on my computer many times a day and it is as if it is laughing at me. Yesterday my computer had to be worked on to remove some things that were not that pretty. The fact of the matter is, it was spying on me. This is the truth.
     For the past couple of weeks, my computer has been doing some strange things and has been running very slow. You can see some of the mischief that it caused just by looking at my last post.  It redacted, that's a government term for blacked out, some of the best  points in my last post. Again, I don't know what is going on in it's beady little brain.  That's right, it doesn't have a brain just a jumble of electronic stuff that I don't understand anyway. I long for the days of analog.
     What has been done has been done. The witty bit of writing that was my last blog post has been lost in the world of cyberspace and I can't get it back.  This is tragic, although I think that the world will keep on spinning. However, you will not discover the true joy of my wit that I created in Thursday's post. That is sad.  Don't worry though, the problem seems to be fixed and I have come to an understanding with my computer. I'll hit the keys and share my wit, and you just take care of the 0's and 1's.  I am the brains behind this operation, and you are just a tool in my success. I love you, most of the time, but please keep the relationship in perspective. You serve me, I don't serve you.
     That's it for today as I commit this wonderful bit of literaturial drivel to the highway that is the internet. By the way, what is the internet anyway. Computers talking to other computers.  Now there is a scary idea.

Kind of looks like the inside of my brain.Don't touch the lever on the right!

It's a Computer Conspiracy

     I  think that computers are out to get us. Its true.  They were intended to make life better for us, but that is  not the case. Their hidden agenda is now starting to surface and has reared it's ugly head with my computer. That modern tool that I depend on every day is now on the fritz, with no ill feelings toward Fritz.
     I am not going to describe what is happening to my modern marvel of technology. What the heck, I couldn't describe it anyway so why bother. The darn thing just isn't working right.  More importantly, my puny attempts to fix it have been met in utter frustration--mine not the computer's.  I think that it is laughing at me. They share these things with other computers. Computers compare notes you know, sharing how they have completely made their human users go bonkers. I think they call it interfacing, and they know.
     Those of you who are conspiracy theorists can take heart with this one. I don't know who shot JFK and I don't know if Roswell was really an alien spacecraft crash site.  What I do know is that they are out to get us--computers I mean. What do all those 0's and 1's mean anyway. What is going on in their beady  little binary minds. How can we really foul up that human today? That's what is going on.
     I agree with the noted philosopher, whose name is Unknown. That's a strange name, isn't it? Why did his mother call him unknown.  Was she mad at him or something.  History does not mention this. He or she did write a lot though as many philosophical sayings and writings are credited to Unknown. 
    What did that philosopher Unknown say about this, as I return to the original subject.  Sorry, my ADD kicked in and I got a little off subject. I will leave you with this and what they said.  "To err is human. It takes a computer to really foul things up." AMEN!

My Able-Bodied Computer Technician

Breakfast of Champions

     I don't like to eat breakfast.  The most important meal of the day and I are not on good speaking terms. It should be the easiest thing in the world to do, just go into the kitchen and pour a bowl of Froot Loops and enjoy, but I just don't feel like it each morning. Shame on me I guess.
     Americans like a hearty breakfast.  Eggs, bacon, ham or sausage and some hash browns provide the necessary nourishment to hold you off to the next meal. Denise likes oatmeal, and I was once on the oatmeal gravy train as well. It seems as though the gravy was taken away, due to it's high fat content and the train, and Amtrak train by the way, derailed going around a curve at 100 plus miles an hour. I just don't take the time to fix it. My qualifications for creating a fine bowl of oatmeal are well documented, but I choose not to utilize those skills. Was that a cunning way to say that I am lazy.  You can take it for what it is on face value. I won't admit to anything.
     Froot Loops are not the best of breakfasts.  I do on occasion breakfast on Maple Frosted Mini Wheats or maybe some raisin bran.  I like raisin bran, especially the raisins and have a technique to eat them.  There has to be at least two raisins in every bite. I love raisins and I thank God for inventing them, but I still don't like to eat breakfast.
     Last night my wife went to Jamba Juice and brought home some smoothies.  I like their strawberry collada smoothie. I didn't drink much of it last night because I was very full from the crap I scrounged up last night for dinner. I put it in the 'fridge and am drinking it now. They are nutritious, right?  After all, they contain strawberries, pineapple, coconut milk, and orange juice. Those are some healthy ingredients and the smoothie contained no meat or animal products. That ought to make you animal lovers out there happy. I won't go there though.
     Got to run now. Denise wants to go to Dublin and look over some music at the music publishers store. I'm enjoying my smoothie.

Yup.  It's what's for breakfast.

Clam Up In Israel

     I am a little frustrated right now as I am having issues with my computer. That will probably show up in a later post. Today I wanted to give you a little insight on how my brain works. Those of you who are psychiatric in nature and care to analyze me, I have to let you in on this.  Many have tried and all have failed.
     I had a dream last night. I hesitate to analyze the whole thing, but even I thought it was very strange. I was involved in a clam bake. The interesting thing about this was that the clam bake was in Israel. I wouldn't lie to you.  I thought it was a bit odd as well. Isn't shellfish forbidden under rabbinical law. I thought Jews can't eat clams, especially in Israel. Arabs can, I think but I am not sure.
    I love clams. I have tried them raw on the half shell and they taste like Tide detergent, even with a bit of lemon and tabasco sauce. The mollusks are great steamed in garlic and butter dipped in a little bit of drawn butter after they are steamed.  Clams are great fried as well and of course in New England Clam Chowder. Clams are delicious, but you don't have to go to Israel to have them.
     It seems as though this variety of clam that we were dining on in Israel were a special kind of clam. They were big and they had a huge amount of meat in them. After you opened the shell, there was like a beefy fillet that you cut like a steak. You have to remember that this was a dream and came from my nocturnal imagination. With my brain, anything is libel to show up. Suffice it to say, the experience was very interesting. How did the clams taste? I don't know, I woke up, went into the kitchen and opened up a can of clam chowder.

How come he never dreams about us?

Where Have You Been?

     It seems as though I have done this before.  I know that it is very important to post often and be consistent. That is a problem to me, but I am going to try to fix that. After all, I am a writer and I need to write. I also need to pay the bills, but that is another story.
     There is a real good reason for my not posting, I'm sure. I have been sick for more that three weeks.  That's a good one.  My step-son just got marries and I was helping with the preparations for that. OK, that won't work. I have been playing too much golf.  If you call four times since January an excuse, I guess you could say that.  I have been watching too many "Chick Flicks" on TV. That could be thrown into the mix, It is baseball season and the Giants are playing and on TV almost every night can be used as an excuse.
   My final excuse is truly the best.  There is no excuse. It's time to get writing again.

This is what my brain has looked like recently. I'm trying to restore it.

The Golf Course Travel Bag: Catalina Island Golf Course

The Golf Course Travel Bag: Rancho Del Rey, Atwater, Ca.