Thank You!

     I want to express a sense of gratefulness to you all. I looked this morning and I have exceeded the 8,000 hit mark for this blog.  My other blog has exceeded the 2,000 mark.  I am indeed very thankful that you are tuning in and reading my blogs.  For this I thank you, and hope you will keep reading. I certainly do appreciate your tuning in and I hope that I haven't scared you in any way with my thought processes but have given you some good chuckles and things to think about. THANK YOU!
     I think I'm going to take the day off today and celebrate the milestone, so that's it on the post today. I already have the next post topic in mind, something about...well, you will just have to wait.

Thanks again form DavidRallisWrites Central.  Thanks to you it's working...Or I'm working. 

           

Caution!...About What?

     For Father's Day my brother-in-law received an insulated beverage cup.  He was very happy to get it because he was saying that his coffee always got cold on his way to work, and he could use the cup to transport his coffee.  It would stay nice and hot. He was already making plans to use it. What happened next was quite curious.
     He opened the lid to look inside.  Yep, just a plain old insulated cup. Then he looked under the lid. Here's what it said in bold letters I might add, "Do Not Use This Cup With Hot Beverages". What?  It's an insulated cup.  What else do you use it for?  It is to keep hot beverages hot.  What else do you use it for. Hmmmm....
     It seems that the hot coffee idea just went out the window. WE don't want to go against the warnings and cautions the THEY give us to keep us safe, do WE? That was cute, wasn't it. See how I tied in my past blogs?  Go back and read the series about WE and THEY. At this point, THEY are the ones not having any fun. THEY are trying how to live our lives.  This is the bad THEY, the THEY that won't let you play in the mud.
     My brother-in-law said to himself, "That's OK, I'll use it for keeping my Diet Pepsi cold when I drink it."
     Wrong, my brother by law, not birth. Take another look at the lid. "Do not use with cold or carbonated beverages". What a bummer this is turning out to be.  What do I do with the darn thing. He put it up on a shelf in his bedroom closet, and that was the end of that.
     Who is trying to protect us and from what.  I can understand an alien invasion, preferably not by toddlers with sippee cups but by really nasty invaders. Is everything a plot to hurt us and one we need to be aware of? I don't think so. Why sell it if I can't use it?  Whatever happened to use your common sense.  We are supposed to have a consumer protection agency that does not allow products that are useless out on the market. Where do our tax dollars go? OK, I won't answer that.

WARNING!!!!Moving a piano can be hazardous to your health.

  

Bajamar 0001

4:00 AM

     I awoke at 4:00 AM-- that's 04:00 not 16:00 for those of you in Europe, the rest of the world and those in the military--this morning in order to assist my wife in transporting her mother and dad to a doctor's appointment in San Jose, California.  The appointment was scheduled for 8:15--08:15 not 20:15--and it  takes about two and a half hours to get to San Jose from Merced with a departure time of 5:00AM--05:00 not 17:00--from Dad and Mom's house.  The transit, I mean drive, to their house was uneventful.
     I was kind of happy because we were going to San Jose and they have a Baja Fresh there, Merced doesn't.  I love Baja Fresh.  They make some great burritos, especially the steak and shrimp combination. My heart was really set and I was eagerly expecting a shrimp and steak combination burrito. Did I mention that we got up at 4:00 AM--04:00 not 16:00?
     The mission--uh trip--went as planned as we traveled the road to Mom and Dad's house. They live in a gated retirement community which is pretty nice.  Denise texted her mom to tell them we were coming through the gate before we punched in the security code.  I'm not going to give you that code as it is classified and a national defense secret.  Don't even ask.  She punched in the code XXXX--not the real code-- and the gate opened.  We were on our way to their quarters--excuse me, home--to continue the trip--uh mission.
     As we pulled into Mom and Dad's driveway, Mom met us. "What are you doing here?" she asked.
     "We're taking you to San Jose." Denise answered.
     "I called you last night. I told you that your brother is going to take us and you don't have to.  I called you last night." Mom said. She did say, "I called you last night" twice right then. I do remember that.
     The conversation about who was taking whom and what the phone conversation went on for a bit, and I can't exactly say what was discussed but let's just say that Denise was mildly perturbed. A quote from the movie Cool Hand Luke kind of sums up the whole affair. "What we have here is a failure to communicate."
     I love both parties in the communication failure so I won't comment on it any further. I will comment on my state of mind at the time.  Most of those of you who know me know that I am an incurable optimist. My cup is half full and I am making lemonade from the lemons life just gave me as we speak, why not? Patience is a virtue, is it not? I don't have any money, but I do have patience and now I have lemonade. Do you want some?
     Mom and Dad have given me a wonderful gift this morning. First, I wouldn't have been able to experience this beautiful morning and colorful sunrise. They have given me a few extra hours of life that I can use, for what I don't know but I do plan to use it. The stillness and quiet of the house right now is priceless and calming
. Most importantly, they have given me a topic and something to write about today when I didn't have the foggiest notion of what to write about today.  Thanks Mom and Dad. I thank you from the bottom of my heart. Denise, on the other hand, went back to bed.
     I have one regret, though. There will be no Baja Fresh.

What the world looks like at 4:00 AM or 04:00. Or did I take this when my eyes were closed? 

        

     

Caution...About What? Part 1

     We have all seen them.  The try to warn us of the dangers of this world. They are everywhere, including the morning coffee I somtime buy at Starbucks or McDonald's.  I wonder how much of an idiot Ronald is that he does not know that coffee is hot?  You may agree with me that this is getting out of hand.
     I was watching TV with Denise yesterday, a show she picked by the way.  I don't choose our TV shows anymore for some reason, and generally we watch something that is agreeable to both of us. I am thinking of auditioning for Law and Order SVU should they decide to do remakes of old episodes.  I have committed all the scripts to memory, not because I have read and memorized the scripts but because I have seen them all multiple times.  I actually like SVU, and when Denise asks if I want to watch it, I respond "Yes, Dear". I'm going off on a tangent again, so I will get back to my original subject.  I don't mind watching TV with Denise.  It's quality time.
      I'll get back to my story, not watching TV with Denise but the one about warnings.  We were watching a show and a commercial came on for a dog heart worm medication.  I know that dog heart worms is a very serious problem, and I am not downplaying it.  The commercial was kind of humorous with a dog running through a protective plastic tunnel to protect it from outside elements and heart worms. The mom slid the dog's food in through a double sliding glass door and the kids played with the dogs using isolation gloves through the outside of the tunnel.  You may have seen the commercial, unless you live in Poland, Russia or The Ukraine.  
    At the end of the commercial, just like advertisements for human drugs the announcer gave some side effect warnings. The last one was very curious, to say the least. At the end of the side effects warning he made the statement, "May cause depression in your dog".
      That's a very curious statement and brings up a very relevant question.  How do you know your dog is depressed?  Does he, or she because I don't want to tick off the feminists out there.  I think I will use it in the rest of this post when I talk about the dog.  Anyway, does he--I mean it--sleep more than when it is happy? When it sleeps, does it sleep with it's head toward the back of the doggie bed instead of the front?  How about his--sorry,--its--tail?  Does it wag its tail slower.  Think about it.  We want our dog to be safe and not depressed
     Where would we be without warning labels.  More about this in my next installment and hello Poland. Hello Russia as well. Thanks for tuning in as well, those of you in the Ukraine.  I promise I won't get into politics.

WARNING! Eating one of these Bacon Wrapped Corn Dogs will certainly...Oh well, just enjoy it.

 

Wurds and Frases (Part two)

   It didn't work.  I tried saying "I don wanna" when Denise asked me to take out the trash.  She grabbed me by the ear and said, "If you want to act like a two year old, I'll treat you like one." It hurt. She then made me take out the trash, which I promptly did. Don't try that at home, fellas.

She made me take out all the trash.

Wurds and Frases...Hmmm....

     I didn't know what to title this post.  In the bloggers manual it says to always come up with a catchy or ingenious title to hook the reader. Today's title is such an attempt. Of course I spelled words and phrases wrong.  We can talk about that as well. Who invented the English spelling system anyway.  It makes no sense. Just keep that thought in the make of your mind a while as I write this. Hang with me, becasue I am not exactly sure where this is all going.
     One thing I do know is that as languages evolve, they borrow words, phrases and ideas from other languages and cultures.  I want to also point out here that I do know how to spell words and phrases. Why is phrases spelled with a ph anyway? I think you can blame this one on the Greeks, but why take that spelling, English?  Oh well, onward. (Is that a sentence?)
     With the invasion of our house, I have learned from my grandson, Prince of the Invaders, a new phrase.  That phrase is, "I don wanna."  Sometimes, "Mommy" is added to the end of the phrase, "I don wanna!". Sometimes its "I don wanna go."  The phrase is normally said with great emphasis thusly: I DON WANNA! It comes in short bursts, generally and is used many times when crying. Most of the time it seems to work especially at mealtime and at bedtime.
    As a rule the phrase is preceded by a request from his mom, Queen of the Invaders, resulting in the reaction by my grandson "I don wanna". It seems to occur regularly.  However, when my Queen makes a calm request of The Prince, that phrase generally doesn't seem to be uttered. It also appears that the phrase seems to work about 80% of the time, with the Prince getting his way. This is directly related to the way that the phrase is presented and in all cases it seems to upset the Queen of the Invaders.
     I think I will try using the phrase.  It can't hurt. Let me see, what shall I use this on?  I don wanna go to the doctor. I don wanna have a blood test. I can try that, but that is too far away. How about, "I don wanna take out the trash, honey!"

You have to be just a little bit foxy in order to use "I don wanna".

  

Ride That Bike! To Where?

     Last week, I was playing "Dora The Explorer" with my grandson.We went on a discovery trip in the living room.  Is there a male version of  "Dora"?  I kind of wonder about that.  Isn't that a bit sexist? I'm sorry those of you in Poland and now those of you in Russia. My mind wanders sometimes, and this post is not about some stupid American kid's TV show.  Why do they speak Spanish on that show, anyway?
     We found something in the living room, or parlor for those of you east of the Mississippi River.  I don't know what they call it in Poland or Russia so we will just have to go from there.  It was something that we used basically for throwing clothes on, but every time we threw something on it or passed it we wondered what actual use the thing had. Finally, we took more than a curious glance at it. It was a stationary bike used to help you with your cardio vascular functions. In plain and simple English, you ride it for exercise.  the only problem is, you don't go anywhere and that's why they call it a stationary bike.
     I decided to try using it or at least seeing if it still works.  It did. This may not be a bad thing.  Its hotter than h.. out there so I'm not going to take a walk and I needed to exercise more as Denise doesn't think that typing away on a keyboard isn't enough exercise. Maybe I should change to a manual typewriter.  That's more physical and I would get more exercise. That's not going to happen, so I guess its the bike.
     When it come right down to it, I don't mind exercising only I have gotten out of the habit. After the endorphins kick in my body feels pretty good. The idea is just getting started, but I do look silly on that thing.  I am going nowhere on it in one big hurry.
    During my rides of fantasy my thoughts turn to a movie that I once saw called "The Right Stuff".  In the movie about the original Mercury 7 astronauts it shows the astronauts in training.  In one scene ride a stationary bike. This was the time when they were also training chimpanzees to go into space before our astronauts.  There is a scene where they show a chimp in a diaper riding what else--a stationary bike. As I ride, that vision always comes popping into my head.
     The bike is calling and I haven't had my coffee.  Sometime we will have a discussion about stationary vs. stationery. I think I need my coffee.

I was too big for one of these.  These offer a bit more fantasy.

Where Are You Southern Hemisphere?

     Where are you Southern Hemisphere? I noticed on my countries list and I have no followers or readers in the countries of the Southern Hemisphere. I did have a stray Aussie a couple of years ago, but that was a long time.  You are not keeping your end of the bargain, Southern Hemisphere. I would love to have you.
     What can I do to encourage you to read my blog? Is there something I can do to help you along?  Should I be doing something differently?  If I offended you in any way, I apologize.  I don't mean to, and if I do its all in good fun.  You can ask my Polish reader.  I haven't offended you, have I--you in Poland? I thank you and appreciate you for reading this stuff on a regular basis.  Soon, I will start in on my Russian friends but I don't want to get on Putin's bad side.  I do follow world events.
     Let me try something here.  I am going to stand on my head and write.  This will sort of give me the feeling of what it must be like in the Southern Hemisphere.  Here I go. Gjillik kinggsd  fiiidsh sibllisl lso. Illn ggo oflsk sssilafa d. Ow! That hurt my head. I can't be damaging my head as there is not much up there to use.
  Let me see what I wrote.  Uh-oh, that didn't work.  I guess I will have to try something else.
    How about if I write everything backwards.  Water flows in the opposite direction down there.  The water flushes in the other direction, I'm not sure that it is important which.  Hold on, let me go flush my toilet to find out.
*
*
*
*
*
OK, it goes counter clockwise, excuse me anti-cyclonic.  I had to go find that out. It goes clockwise-cyclonic-in the Southern Hemisphere.  I bet you thought I didn't know that, didn't you. Sometimes I surprise myself.  Don't play Trivia Pursuit with me. I can't find anyone who will, but that';s entirely another story.
     Let me try something else. I'm going to try to write this backwards and see if that helps. Are you ready, because here it comes:
.erehpsimeH nrnehtuoS eht ni uoy ot olleH 
That was hard.  You must have some sort of computer program that can do that faster.  It really taxes my small brain.  Surely Microsoft or Apple has come up with some sort of translator program.  How about Rosetta Stone, they must have a program that teaches that.  How about a book called "Southern Hemisphere For Dummies".  That kind of makes sense.
     Do you really walk on your hands down there instead of your feet? I guess that down is up and up is down.  The whole thing must take a bit of getting used to.
     By the way, if you are a golfer, make sure you check out my new website http://the-golf-course-travel-bag.com.  I have a lot of golf and travel stuff on it and I think you will enjoy it.  I have also started making U-tube videos and you will find them there as well. Take a look.

I took this picture of my daughter at the Berlin Wall museum in Sydney.  I got tired of walking on my hands all the time.

    

Trump National Los Angeles UTube 0001

Who is "We" part three.

     I wasn't going to have a part three in this series, but there are a lot of things that happen in my life that I say I am not going to do and I do. I catch myself saying "I will never do that", and sure enough I do it.  Take moving to Merced and that is only one example. You will just have to live with the fact that sometimes things change and you have to do what you got to do, even though you have said that you wouldn't.
     Eating asparagus or broccoli is also that sort of decision.  I said I would never eat asparagus or broccoli, but I have gone back on that one. Brussels sprouts are still safe.  We don't eat Brussels sprouts.  By the way, were they really invented in Brussels? We won't know will we.  Maybe "they" know.
     Why was it that "they" got all the fun and "we" had to behave?  You kind of have to wonder about this one. "They" got to play in the mud and build all kind of cool forts and stuff, while "we" had to stay clean and watch. That mud looked so inviting.  I hated being part of "we" and not one of "they".
     Here are some things that are "we" verses "they".  I hope that they spark a bit of a memory in you.  here goes.

"We" don't wear shorts to church on Sunday.
"We" don't put our mouths on the drinking fountain.  I could never figure that one out.
"We" always wear clean underwear. That makes sense, because what would happen if you were in an automobile accident?
"We" always wait an hour after we eat before we go back in the swimming pool because "we" don't want to get cramps and drown in the pool.  Funny thing though, I have swam at bar-b-ques that "they" put where everyone stuffed themselves to the gills and went back in to the pool shortly after they ate and I didn't see anyone drown.
"We" don't play like that, because you might get hurt.  The last person I heard that told to became an Olympic Gold Medalist in Men's Gymnastics. Too bad though, his sister only got the Bronze.
"We" don't play golf, that's for rich people and old men.  I can understand the rich people but kind of wonder about the old men part.  Am I an old man now.  DON'T YOU DARE ANSWER THAT!
"We" don't wear our cap on backwards.  I admit, I am guilty of this one.
"We" don't speak when there are elders around.  I blew this one out of the water. If I had something to say and it was profound, I said it no matter who was around. None of this "Little children should be seen and not heard" garbage.  I let 'em have it.
"We" don't drive Chevys.
"We" don't drive Fords.
"We" sure as hell don't drive a Fiat. How did they buy Chrysler, by the way?
"We" absolutely, positively sure as hell don't drive a Kia.

     I have bothered you enough today with this drivel, but it is something to think about.  If you have a "We" verses "They", please share it with me.  I have to run now as I haven't had my coffee yet.  You know what that does to me. "We" don't start the day without our coffee.

"We" don't stand in front of the cannon before we fire it.

 












   

Who is "We" (Part 2)

    Who  are "we"?  Who are they?  Why is it that "we" always do the right thing and "they" always don't.
How do "they" reform and become part of "we"? Is it possible?  I don't know.  I know that this is a very short post, but there is a lot here to be considered. 
     I don't want you to melt down as you are contemplating this, so be careful.  Don't try to resolve all of this at one time. Take brief snippets of time to ponder the seriousness of all this and how it effects your daily lives. This stuff is important, almost as important as having your morning cup of coffee.  I'd drinking mine right now.
    I just want you to remember that "we" don't loop the toilet paper under the roll--I hate that, don't you--and "they will never get that highway bypass around Los Banos done.  Sorry about that to those of you who don't live in the Central Valley of California, I thought I would throw that in there.  How about "they" are working on the traffic in Los Angeles or the smog in Bejing?
    Do "they" have a "we" and a "they" in Poland?  Come on Poland, I need your answer.

"They" put my son in jail.  Not really, It was only make believe (darn).

 

 

 

 

 

Who is "We"?

     Does anyone other than myself wonder about the overuse of the pronoun "we"?  Probably not, because I think about some really strange stuff.  Remember though, I am not weird, just different.  In my opinion, we overuse the word "we".  Keep in mind that that is just my opinion, and I am still under house arrest being guarded by the two sippee cup guards outside my door. That should kind of put things in their proper perspective.
     This explanation of  what I am talking about may get convoluted as I am thinking about how to say it as I am writing this, so just bear with me a bit.  It may get a little strange, but hang in there. If you have been one of my readers, you know what I am talking about. You there in Poland, you are on your own.  Here goes, and I want you to think about this as it is truly profound as are all my observations and comments on life.
     My wife and I--notice I didn't use the word we--were out and about doing something with my stepdaughter and grandson Szczepan.  I changed my grandson's name here to protect the innocent.  His name really isn't Szczepan but I needed a name and I wanted to get my Polish readers involved here so I changed it to a Polish first name. Where were we, I mean where was I?  Oh yes, we--uh, my wife and I with my step daughter and grandson--were out and about.  Szczepan picked up a cigarette butt from the ground and what was my wife AND my step daughter's immediate reaction?  WE don't pick up cigarette butts off the ground. They said it almost simultaneously--again to help those of you in Poland they said it at the same exact time. Hmmmm....
     This brings about a good question.  If we don't do something, who does?  You would think that the answer would be "they" do.  Who is "they"?  Are "they" bad and evil people or just misguided by the dark side of the universe.  I don't know. More about this later when I talk about who "we" are and who "they" are.  One more thing to think about.  Are "they" dangerous?

I am thoroughly convinced "they" did this.