Everything's Peachy, Or Peary, Or Grapey...I Don't Know

     I respect farmers, I really do. If you are a farmer, God bless you and I salute you for your patience, courage and skill.  I don't have that skill, the skill of growing things. My thumb is black, anything I try to grow has the proverbial kiss of death attached and doesn't have a chance of surviving.
     The house we are living in right now has a huge back yard, and in the backyard there are a pear tree, a couple of berry bushes, a grape vine and two orange trees. I can understand why some people would love to grow fruit trees in their back yards. There can be a great amount of joy going out to your backyard and picking a fresh peach or cluster of grapes.  My relatives who live in the Northeast where they don't grow oranges always tell me that it must be nice to just go out your front door and pick a fresh orange.
     Yes, picking a fresh orange off a tree is nice, but what about the rest of the two million oranges which are still on the tree. You know what I'm talking about. The same is true with the two million peaches, the four million pears and the three million clusters of very small grapes.  What do you do with them? I am sorry, I don't make wine.
      I used to be in Multi Level marketing and they tell you about the NFL or No Friends Left club. The same is true with giving away fruit.  After trying to give away the fruit off the trees, friends see you coming and try to avoid you. You try to explain that you have given up ACN and Amway, you just want to give them some fruit for the third time. This is a gesture of kindness and friendship not of trying to rope them into a business venture.  I'm sorry but they just don't buy it, probably because you are not the only one that has tried to give them a bag of peaches.  By now they are sick of peaches--and plums and nectarines--given to them by friends that have fruit tries. If you have fruit trees you have gone through this and can just see that look in their eyes sensing the fear. How about trying to give out the grapes? You can explain to them that they can make wine out of them. I can't do that because most of our friends don't drink.
     Here in the Central Valley of California where I live you can just about buy any kind of fruit or vegetable you want, from artichokes to zinnias--OK zinnias are flowers, I couldn't think of a fruit that started with Z--and rather cheaply.  There is a fruit stand on almost ever corner selling fruits and vegetables as well as a great many public "Farmer's Markets". Why would I want to grow a tree or a vine and have to water them and take care of them when I could get what I wanted more cheaply with only the effort of stopping and getting out of the car? I hate watering plants and trees.
     Why would you ever want to plant strawberries? I could bring myself around to planting a couple of beefsteak tomato plants. There is nothing like home grown tomatoes. Nah, they would only die from my growing skills as a farmer. Won't you please take a bag of peaches?  They are very sweet.

You think I'm bad at farming, you should see me fish. No, I didn't catch these.